Sunday, May 16, 2010

hey you, tube! get off my property!

So I got a new job again, but this time it's a bit more relevant.
I'm going to start writing music and making videos with these
guys full time:

I started out getting hired by them to write some parodies
and develop my Picture Songs idea into a bigger scope.
Things went smooth, and now they are bringing me into
their little youtube empire, or family, or dynasty, maybe
is the proper word.

They have Youtube down to a science, and they have an understanding
of it that has always eluded me. Their videos are popular, no matter what.
I've poured my heart into making some funny videos, but always had trouble
getting them to catch on.

Now we will be partnering, I make video, they make it catch on.
It's pretty exciting for me, it should open me up to a whole new audience,
and it should keep me focuses on pumping out new material
almost daily.

It's been a bit quiet here at the website, I know, but things are
definitely not quiet for me here out in LA. Just a little more focuses.

Don't get me wrong, I love playing for you in noisy bars,
I love the fun and excitement of turning a hostile crowd
into a giant loving embrace while we all sing Hey Jude
until my voice gives out and then I play I Quit You Fat Mother fucker
totally drunk while all the strings break on my guitar.

I love that, always have.

But someone very smart pointed out to me that
all that does, really, is get me another gig at another bar.

I'm going to focus more on my output,
and then do bigger and better tours that make more sense.

When I say make more sense, I mean, that are properly
promoted so there are actually people there on purpose!

In the meantime, check out,
it's going to be changing a lot in the next few weeks.

I'm also working on two new albums, one with
Venkman Brothers, and one proper Nice Peter joint.

I miss the midwest, I miss touring, I miss England a lot,
but I'm doing something I should be doing, probably
should have been doing years ago, and it might be
my last chance to do it right, so wish me luck.



Thursday, March 25, 2010

oh holy shit


I just got this video sent to me from this very strange venue
that the Venkman brothers had their first show at.

You can see us trying to figure out what chords to play
before making up a whole song about cats.

here you go:

Life is an ocean

I told a friend who was stressed out today
that life is like swimming in the ocean,
it comes in waves, and every once in
a while you end up with a bunch
of salt water in your mouth, and you just
need to spit that shit out and start over.

then another friend was telling
me about some other comedy band.

he asked if I wanted him to "fuck them up?"

I said, "yes, fuck them up like vaginas hanging from a clothesline"

I was feeling pretty wise and dirty today.
Like Benjamin Franklin on the set of a softcore porn.

I used to work at this shit ass restaurant called Sisley Italian kitchen.
Oh... I hope so bad they find this through a Google search,
like happened to my friend Nick, who ended up getting fired because
he blogged about his restaurant.

Anyway, Sisley sucked in every way possible,
except for the food, and the other waiters,
they were both pretty awesome.

But the owners, specifically the woman, the female,
the alpha bitch, oh man.... she was the absolute worst on earth.

I have never seen such a steady, unrelenting supply of bitch-fuel,
she could go for days on end, not being kind to anyone.
It was shocking, really.

They used to post up these memos, every day, on the door
when you walked in.

Memos about our "tap water policy"

Who the fuck.. has a tap water policy?

Memos about how we should be ashamed of ourselves,
how our service is an embarrassment, about how we can't
bring purses into work because we are all just thieves,
everyday was some kind of degrading, demoralizing,
awful nasty shit on the door for you to read, and then initial.

That was how you started every day, reading some awful shit,
it was not good for your brain, man... not good.

That restaurant closed, because the owners ran it into the ground,
because they are retarded, and Italian, never a good combination.

I stuck to music for a while to make a living, it was cool, but I needed
to get a dayjob to help me afford the comforts of life.  I like to eat nice food,
I like to drink nice beer, and smoke the best weed, that's about it.
I buy used clothes, and I find my furniture in the garbage.  

So I got the coolest job ever,
you can read the post below to find out more.

My bosses are cool as fuck,
and today, I received my first memo.

here it is, word for word:

When cannabis is smoked, a large amount of its THC—or tetrahydrocannabinol, the chief chemical that causes activation and pain relief—is destroyed. When it's eaten (not burned), the THC stays intact. In addition, the way THC is metabolized in the body when it's eaten makes its effects last longer. In short, eating marijuana instead of smoking it gives patients more bang for their buck.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

St Paddy's pic

Well hello, happy Wednesday.

I'm off to... work.
see the post below to explain
why I am giggling.

I got a bunch of pics back
from the Venkman Brothers concert last week,
my favorite is below.

See if you can count the old school Nice Peter references
in the pic, like a treasure hunt! I found 8, if you look carefully.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


First of all,
Idiocracy has to be one of the best movies ever.

I want you to watch it as soon as possible,
please, for me, so we can exchange jokes
and line references.

Second of all,
I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is,
I had to break down and get a day job.

I am getting by on music, I am,
but that's just it, getting by, while I'm touring
shit's fine and popping, but while I'm here in LA
working on the next move, I'm tired of living like
a homeless dude.

So I got me a dayjob.
Ready for the good news?

I deliver marijuana cookies.

I ain't no drug dealer, holmes,
I work for a gourmet, medical marijuana
confection maker that delivers to only
the finest, legal, licensed dispensaries
in Southern California.

But, at the end of the day, I deliver pot brownies,
and that's a day job I can be proud of.

I had my first day yesterday, and I went
into 10-15 dispensaries around the city,
making deliveries, filling orders, registering
as a patient so I can legally be inside.

That was a trip, I must tell you.
I explored every demographic of
marijuana dispensary. Mexicans, Indians,
white people, black people, everybody loves
these cookies, and everyone loves weed.

I knew that, I've just never seen it all in one day before.

So that's going to be my gig, Mon, Wed, Fri.
Driving around to pot shops, talking about cookies
and lollipops, and our new medically infused Olive Oil....

It gives me time to work on music,
like my new song about Eugene Levy,
or the third Venkman Brothers album,
or these silly parodies I am cranking out every other
day for my other day job.

All in all, life is good, I woke up surprisingly sober
this morning after my first day on the "job"

I'm planning an East Coast tour for October.
It's a long way off, but that just gives me more time
to plan it, so I'm going to try to make it big.

England is calling me hard these days, there is some
shit developing in the arena too.

Midwest, I'm not sure when I'll see you again, but I'm
pretty sure it will be soon, if the boys from Bloomington/Normal can
come through.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Torta Loca!

Do NOT! the Torta Loca!

Even if you wake up like me
on a floor in Pacoima, CA, with
an empty glass of vodka next to your head,
and a bong with Bob Marley etched into it at your feet.

The Torta Loca will NOT make you feel better!

That combination of eggs, two cheeses, jalepenos,
avocados, ham, some other kind of meat, mayonaise,
and who knows what else on a roll will not go down well.

I was celebrating, and I made a poor choice of food.

Last night was the first Venkman Brothers concert.

Here's the deal with this Venkman Brothers thing,
it has bee a musical outlet for me. It is low pressure,
high creative, rock and roll that allows me to get my
juices flowing, and keep pumping out new stuff.

We make up everything as we go along, and we played
a 45 minute song of completely improvised shit.

we have two albums, that we recorded this week.
It's all made up. the first album,

"I Told You Not To F**king Touch That!"

features myself, Dante Cinnamonbuns on guitar,

Geoff from Craiglist on drums,

Lloyd Ahlquist on freestyle microphone,

Therm One on bass and turn tables,

beats by Eddie Nygma, and
special guest, MC Sonny List-yo-faults-son.

Here is the first album in it's entirety:


Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Susan Sarandon

Well, that was a weekend, let me tell you what.

First of all, I do not have an STD,
and that's always good news.

I swear to god, even you know
you couldn't possibly have an STD,
getting tested is always a frightening experience.

I suppose it's a good thing that they reveal results
the same way for everybody, but do they have to add suspense?

"Peter, yes, we have your results, could you sit down please?"


"well, Peter, you.... are............. negative for everything."

woo hoo!

Time to go out and sleep with somebody dangerous!

I got invited by my roommate Scott to the premier
of OK Go's incredible new music video. I don't know
if you've seen it or not, but if you haven't, just stop right
now and go watch it. Youtube, This Too Shall Pass, OK Go.

Scott shot all the behind the scenes footage for the video,
he's been working with the band and the crew of engineers
for a few months now.

He got me in to record audio of the premier,
they did it at a fancy art museum here in LA,
and OK Go played an acoustic concert.

It was fucking awesome, I don't even know where to start.

First off, I came in early with Scott to set up,
I met the lead singer, I've been a fan of his for years.
He was totally cool, we ate tacos together, we talked about
music, he talked about music, he talked more, he kept talking,
and then he finished by talking some more. But he had lots
of interesting shit to say, and he's the lead singer of OK Go,
so I had no complaints whatsoever.

Then, the guests started to arrive, and they were a COLORFUL
bunch, let me tell you.

You had your basic groups of LA socializing,
rich people, cool people, hoes, and famous people.

The hoes here are a treat, so vibrant in their hoe-e-ness,
and the weather makes it easy for them to be almost
completely naked at parties year round.

The cool people are just that, same with rich people,
and the celebrities keep everyone on their toes.

The place got packed, Scott and I mingled around.

At one point, I was chatting with a girl sitting on a couch outside,
I couldn't help notice the woman sitting next to her, in sunglasses
at night,
was in fact, Susan Sarandon.

I paid her no mind, just remembered it to tell you later.

She looked very good, by the way.

But then, as I was chatting along with this girl,
and I was in some kind of funny story,
I couldn't help but notice that Susan
Sarandon was eavesdropping casually on
our conversation.

Boom, punchline to my story,
Susan Sarandon laughs,
I smile, and feel pretty cool all night.


OK Go started their acoustic set in front of the whole crowd,
and I got to stand right next to the stage to record the audio.
At one point, the awesome bas player dude with the mustache
dropped a mallet onstage, I bent over, and handed it to him,
I was that close.

They were fucking fantastic. I've always like OK Go a lot,
but now I am an absolute fan.

At one point, they had the whole crowd singing this beautiful
melody, I was singing too, looking around the crowd, smiling
in the lovely LA evening air, gazing at the faces... when, another boom,
I made direct eye contact with... Weird Al Yancovik.

What a funny night.

We stayed all evening at the museum, the bass player DJing
and playing Hall and Oates, because he fucking rules.

I met some people, talked to some people, told everyone
I could about my Susan Sarandon experience.

Then it was time to afterparty, and Scott, being as smooth as he is,
got us invited to the party at the lead singer's house.

Cut to me and Scott drinking PBRs, chatting with the awesome
bass player with the mustache about Chicago, telling stories,
playing with the lead singer's dogs, all in OK Go's big ass house
in Hollywood, and I'll tell you the truth, I felt pretty damned cool.

That was Friday, I'll tell you about Saturday tomorrow,
right now, I'm tired, and Susan just won't stop playing with my hair.


Thursday, March 04, 2010

What is it, Thursday?

My head hurts.

I slept on a couch with my head next to an empty bottle of champagne.

I was celebrating!

I got a job, writing music.
It's not firmed up and official yet,
so I'll have to tell you more later,
but it's definitely a champagne kind of development.

Did I ever show you that mp3 of me
and that dude Ray Don from my first time
performing at the Improv?

I can't remember.
here it is, just in case:

Ray Don sang a hilarious song called,
"The only thing I was ever good at, was eating pussy"

He proceeded to strip down to an American flag speedo,
and god dammit, he earned it.

I was up next,
hilarity ensues.

I rode his momentum train as best I could,
it was like being in a comedy rodeo.

Hear for yourself.

Three days in a row,
and I'm still on top of the blog wave!

Life is good, don't forget that.


Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Return 2

Hey hey,
what do you know?
two days in a row.

Last night the Venkman Brothers made our first recording.
I know, I said we never would, but I just got the itch last night.

I went out to Dante's house around 3, we wrote the song in 10 minutes,
recorded it in an hour, and here you go:

That's me a on drums, Dante on guitars,
all in one take, and then vocal overdubs
until my throat got sore.

After we laid down that song,
we made a trip to Weird Al's recording engineer's
home studio.  Yeah, no shit.

He was an awesome dude, he recorded Beautiful by Christina Aguilera,
and he helped us record one of Dante's songs, which I had the pleasure
of playing bass on.

It turns out I've been a bass player all my life,
I just didn't know it.  And everything I know about the bass
I learned from Pauly Doerr, he's a god damned legend.

Today I wrote some more jokes,
here's a snippet:
I'm single right now, again, which means.... ugh... it's hard to even talk about, it means I have to start using condoms again.  Man... that really sucks.  I fucking hate condoms, oh they are the worst.  I know, I know, they're important, blah blah blah, they suck.  It's like fucking a ziploc bag, it's terrible.  And it makes me so clumsy.  Ladies, I'm not sure if you're aware, but we can't feel anything. Trying to get inside of you is like a blind man trying to find a doorknob.  It's like trying to pick your nose while you're wearing a mitten.

I think birth control should be state sponsored and free. seriously.  As soon as girls start getting their period, bam, free birth control from the government.  It should be talked about in the open, it should be free, and it should be great.  We need it.  Make them taste good if you want to, make them like flintstone fucking vitamins.  Put them in Mcdonalds hamburgers, I dont' care, just get them out there.  We are reproducing way too fast, and in the wrong direction.  Stupid people make babies.  seriously, think of the dumbest girl you knew in highschool, she is probably the one with the most kids.

You sir, you look pretty smart, how many kids do you have?  and how old are you?  right, see?  you and I don't have kids because we're not fucking stupid.  "but I love my babies"  bullshit. you don't love them.  If you really loved them, you wouldn't have made the 3rd and 4th one so you could focus on the first two.


Tuesday, March 02, 2010

return of the blog

I'm back, mother fucker,
and I've finally got shit to say.

I feel fantastic, gotta tell you.
I haven't felt this good in a long while.

I quit smoking cigarettes, started running.
Ugh, I know, how very Californian of me.
But I do feel good, my brain feels lubed up,
my lungs feel clear, and I can sing, dammit.

I told Ed in England I quit smoking, he just laughed at me.

Ed is the only guy I've ever met who wakes up
in the middle of the night for a piss, and has a cigarette with it.

That's dedication.

I also started telling jokes.
Weird, huh? But I've never written a joke before.
I've written funny songs, and I've said funny things onstage,
but it was always by accident, flying by the seat of my pants.

I did three shows at Zanies in Vernon Hills, outside of Chicago,
waaaaayyyyy outside of Chicago.
Zanies is an old school comedy club, the real deal.
I learned more in those three shows than I have in months,
fuck it, years! of performing whatever it is that I perform.

It's hard to explain, but it's been a pretty major breakthrough.

I tried out 7 minutes of completely new material,
some short songs, jokes, bits, and a very angry rant
about the Black Eyed Peas... I tried it out at the Improv in Hollywood.

That's another thing making me feel pretty fucking cool,
I went to try out new material at the fucking Improv in hollywood.

anyway, it worked, and I loved it, and it was fun and awesome
and I have a new outlook on my Nice Peter performance and
I hope to show it to you soon, and I hope you like it.

Don't worry, I'm still singing songs and making up songs
about the dude in the front row.

In fact!
I have an entirely new outlet for that kind of shit,
I am pleased to introduce you to...
the Venkman Brothers.

I started a new band with Dante Cinnamonbuns on lead guitar,
Geoff from Craigslist on lead drums, and me on lead vocals and lead

We make up epic fucking rock songs.
We don't write anything down, we don't repeat anything,
we don't do interviews, we don't have a website, and we're already
bored with this blog.

It makes me so happy every day.

We have our first show on March 13 at a offbeat venue
up in the valley, and our really big second show on St Patrick's day
in Playa Del Ray.

I'm also playing bass in Dante's band, Give Me Motion,
we had our first show in this awesome basement speakeasy
at the old American Legion building next to the hollywood bowl.

It was incredible.

I was not so great on bass, but I'm learning,
and our harmonies were tight, and we're getting better.

It's all adding up to me having new outlets for my music,
and in Give Me Motion I can even submit some of my serious songs.
shocking, I know.

but with the Venkman Brothers I can sing songs like the one I just
wrote in my head.
it's called, "Baby, You Give My Heart a Boner"

Yup, it's like that.

All in all, shit is good,
it's good to be back, nice to talk to you again,
oh, and me and my girlfriend split up, just thought you should know.

Since I'm going through the trouble to put this blog back up,
I will try my darndest to keep it fresh.


Thursday, December 03, 2009


shit, y'all.

I've been quiet again.

I've been working hard, I promise.

I'm laying down guitar and vocals
on those new songs I did with Pauly and Donehoo.

I got a job, sort of, making comedy videos
for, which is pretty sweet.

I spent all day auditioning hot girls today.
It was fairly surreal.
I'm sitting at a board room,
and beautiful woman after beautiful woman
comes in and is happy to meet me.

I got this email today:
"yeah!"  This looks legit.

I'm halfway done with a new rap song,
"Santa is a motha fuckin Gangsta"

and I'm completely done with my new Picture song.
I'll post that shit up for you tonight.

All is well,
I hope it's that same with you.

I know this blog isn't hilarious or titillating,
it's hard to keep that shit up sometimes.

but I at least wanted to say hi.



Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Nostradamus was a milf hunter.

I was driving to Walgreens today to pick up some new
hair goop and a toothbrush. They only sell my hair goop
at this one Walgreens in the middle of Beverly Hills.

Funny, because it's some of the cheapest goop on the market.

On the way, the radio was tuned to NPR,
cause I roll like that.

NPR was holding a debate, a discussion,
a serious conversation, about Sarah Palin
being a strong candidate for President in 2012.

That's the year the world is supposed to end, right?

Okay, yeah... she'll probably win.


Monday, November 16, 2009

tee hee hee

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The funniest Nice Peter photo in the world

I don't mean to brag,
but this is my favorite photo ever.

There's a nice, long, juicy story to go with it,
but that will have to wait for another day.

In the meantime, without further ado,
I present to you, the funniest Nice Peter photo ever:

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Something's gotta give

I've been living in a basement in Chicago
curled up next to a drum set.

It's amazing.

I stay up late,
I wake up late,
there's no sunlight down here
so it all feels the same.

I went on a four day tour with my old band,
we played two awesome shows,
and then there was Green Bay.

I swore I'd never go back to that
god forsaken town years ago.

Pauly talked me into it.

It's not his fault, I was having trouble
finding another show for that date anyway.

The good part is,
I have footage of the three of us
dressed up in a full body camouflage - Donehoo
a karate uniform - Pauly
and an adult size set of red footie pajamas.


The audience didn't even giggle,
I thought it was hilarious.

We came back for our fiftieth set
of our 4 hour night of music,
stoned out of our heads,
at least I was,
and marched into the bar in those costumes.

I thought the place would burst into laughter.

not even a chuckle.

I looked around,
there was a guy sitting at the bar,
wearing an actual full body camouflage suit.

maybe they didn't think they were costumes at all.

Bret Yager got the whole thing on video,
and then he got me, relatively drunk and high,
lipsinc-ing Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror,
in my red footie pajamas, while playing a giant
upright bass neck connected to a metal garbage can.

It's this weird instrument they have on the stage in Green Bay.

I sang the whole song,
started walking around the bar,
singing the whole song,
grinding on people who were not the least bit amused,
and then I went out onto the street,
and started thumping on the bass-garbage can
about being in Green Bay.

I think it will make for some excellent video.

Pauly was upset because no one videotaped him
on the other side of the bar standing outside in his underwear.

you can't get it all.

We made the long drive to St Paul,
I slept most of the way, so we didn't get too much exciting footage.

But the concert in St Paul was one of my favorites in a long time,
and we got all of that.

I'm very excited to see how it turns out.


and I found the best name for the DVD,
I think it's going to be called:
Nice Peter - maximum capacity 75.

It pretty much sums up the feel of the mini tour,
and it was a hilarious sign right next to my poster in Green Bay.

You know you've hit the big time when your maximum audience is 75.

Thanks to Pauly and Donehoo and Bret for the laughs and shows and
hard work.

and thanks to you for coming out to see shows.

It means more to me than you probably think.

Even you guys in Green Bay,
cool dude who wants to come to England
and bought us Mandarin bombs,
awesome dudes who came to Neenah and Green Bay,
and everyone else who was there on purpose and friendly,

I've been pretty hard on your town,
don't take it personally.

you're welcome to come visit me in this basement while I'm here.


Tuesday, November 03, 2009


What a week it's been.

Let's see,
last Tuesday I woke up,
had a meeting with
about working with them on making funny videos.


Then we hit the road for Oroville, CA,
where I had a gig on Wednesday at a Casino.

Right before we went out the door,
I stopped to check if there were any open mics
in San Francisco or San Diego.

I needed somewhere to stop on the way to Oroville,
which is not the kind of place you want to spend two nights in.

I found one in San Fran, at a hostel called the Green Tortoise.

It's in a dodgy part of town full of strip clubs and bars,


We drove all day through the mountains,
ate at Carl's Jr, hit San Fran,
went out drinking, hard, found a blues band
playing at the diviest dive bar I've ever seen.

all they served was Busch on tap.

The blues band is called the Powell Street Blues Band,
fronted by a tiny Japanese woman who actually goes by the name, Yoko.

She played slide guitar and howled,
the homeless guy who was tending bar
gave us lots of free drinks,
we stumbled back the hostel,
which has a party room full of European people.

I jammed on the piano with some new German friends me made,
and we partied until the wee hours.

The next morning it was up early to hit Oroville,
I played my show, hung out with Comedian Shaun Jones,
gambled a bit, smoked some weed with the new homies from
Sacramento out in the parking lot,

then it was time to enjoy the pimped out complimentary hotel suite
with the huge bathtub.


The next morning,
we had to wake up early as hell to drop
off Comedian Shaun Jones at the airport,
and I hassled him the whole way for advice.

We had a nine hour drive back to LA,
so we stopped for a nap at some mountain top
vista point, and we stopped for lunch in Lodi, CA.

Lodi is the town from the Creedance song,
"oh lord.... stuck in Lodi again"

and it was cool to see.
We had an awesome lunch,
and hit the road again.

By the time we got back to LA,
it was time to pack, sleep for a few hours,
and then wake up and hit the airport for Chicago.

I had a layover in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I almost missed my flight,
I was running down the hallways
with my guitar in hand.

I was jogging alongside one of those people movers,
the little golf carts that take people around the airport.

An old dude in the back saw my NORML sticket on
my guitar case. (national organization for the reform of marijuana

He said, "alright, man... NORML.... cool....!"

I thought to myself,
"yeah thanks, old dude, I've got a plane to catch"

"how did you get that sticker, man?"

"oh... um... I wrote a song for a contest of theirs"

"cooollll, man... did you win?"

"yeah, they paid me a thousand bucks, it was great"

still thinking to myself, leave me alone, old man,
I'd love to talk to you, but I'm going to miss my flight.

At that moment I looked right at him for the first time.

slowly, it dawned on me.

I was chatting with Tommy Chong.

as in, Cheech, and Chong.

I stopped in my tracks,
he said something like,
"take it easy.. man"

and I said,
"wow, thanks!"

And that was that.

My flight to Chicago was late,
so I landed at Ohare,
jumped on the Blue Line,
got picked up by Donehoo (the drummer)
and we stopped at Black Rock in Roscoe village
to meet some friends and grab a beer.


We grabbed Pauly (bass player)
hopped in the van, and hit the road
for Berwyn, a south suburb.

We got to the club, which had been transformed
from a tiny, little, spooky Cigar Store/ Bar
into a giant, spooky, circus tent out in the parking lot.

There was a decent crowd,
we had about ten minutes to set up and play,
amongst the bed of nails and the creepy dolls
from the freak show the night before.

We did our set, had some fun,
drank some beers, ate some stomach churning nachos,
smoked some weed with skydivers out in a huge truck,
packed up, and went home.


This week, I've been practicing and writing with
Pauly and Donehoo to get ready for a small tour.

We hired our friend, Bret Yager,
to come along and video tape out journeys and adventures.

We're going to put out a full length DVD of the Nice Peter touring

And next week, we're off to Michigan to record a new album.

I'll try to post updates as much as possible,
and when I can, I'll stream our practices and misadventures
online, just for you voyeurs out there.

much love from Chicago,


Monday, November 02, 2009

"Japanese People are Weird" Reaches Out


One afternoon,
I made a slide show out
of some funny pictures my roommate
found on the internet.

I sat down with my guitar
and my portable recorder,
and I made up a song about the pictures
as they scrolled along.

I liked the way it turned out,
so I posted it on some websites. featured it,
and next thing I know,
it takes off on a small scale for a few days.


The coolest part so far?

One of the people in the video
saw themselves and wrote me an email!

here it is, this guy has an awesomely strong sense of humor.

actually, before you read it, you should make sure you watch the video.

The subject line was :

"I was the honor student from Castle Greyskull middle school."
and yes indeed, i attended castle greyskull middle school and
graduated valedictorian, though sadly, during a heated campaign
against us, led by none other than Shemale-Ra, I was unable to
continue my higher education as our entire faculty had been put to
death during the war between Blu-Ray and Hi-Def discs. With Sony
refusing to lose the tek-wars a 2nd time (i.e. Beta vs. VHS), they
did indeed amass weapons of mass consumerism and... um... i digress.
I just wanted to say hey and thanks fer "borrowing" my photo from
somewhere out there (i never saw that particular shot before). I
liked yer lyric too. funny. Ironically a friend of mine was wasting
time on and was just about to shut off yer "japanese people
are weird" song when he unknowingly came across my pic, taken at the
annual San Francisco Big Wheel Rally. He gave me the shout out and
ive been sharing your song with a bunch of friends & family... thanks
again. I'll keep checking back on yer tour dates, as i would love to
catch a live show (don't fret... i'm a fan now).


The Honor Student at Castle Greyskull Middle School


That made me soooo happy.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Dear People from China,

I've got this fancy new statistics organizer
on my fancy new website that draws me a little
map of the world that shows me where people
are visiting from.

It seems, that I am getting a relatively
large proportion of visitors from China.

Second only to Los Angeles, and I know
I check my own website several times a day.

who are you?

you intrigue me.

how did you find my website,
and what keeps you coming back to it?

How do I say Nice Peter in Chinese?

I have so many questions for you,
there is so much we can share.

I hope you enjoy my new "Japanese People are Weird"
video, because I have read all about your longstanding
cultural clashes with the Japanese.

It's seems a bit like England and the Welsh.
a centuries old animosity that has evolved
from war to gentle fun poking.

Do you surf in China?

I went surfing for the first time here in Los Angeles.

It was hard.

Really hard.

but I got up on my surf board.

I caught a real wave and I was hooked.

I got a little cocky,
and then I tried to catch an even
bigger wave, and I looked down and
saw that the tip of my surfboard was under water.

I'm no Keanu Reaves, but I know that's not good.

With that tip under the surface,
and that big wave coming behind me,
there was only one thing that could happen.

The back end of the surfboard got tipped all the way up,
and I ended up kicking myself in the back of my own head.

I didn't even know that was possible.

Some of the greatest gymnasts in the world come from China.

Do you know anyone who can kick themselves in the back of the head?

I don't really want to do it again.

On behalf of all of us here at,
which is pretty much just me,
I'd like to say,



Tuesday, September 29, 2009

test new blog 2

give me a second, homie,
I'm just trying to test some
new blog software.

I've got a new website, too,
it's almost done.

It's cleaner than before,
a bit more razzle dazzle,
but it's still pretty simple to use.

While I'm writing,
I might as well tell you some stuff.

Shit here has been crazy.

Good crazy, but crazy.

First off, I quit my job.

I didn't do it in a blaze of glory or anything,
but I definitely did do it.

I'm focusing on my music and comedy
and gearing up for more tours.

I'm coming to Chicago,
playing a tour of the midwest with Pauly and Donehoo on bass and drums.

Then I've got a mini tour of shows
opening for Jim Breuer at the Improv in Schuamburg.

I'm very very excited about that and you and everything.

okay, this was a long test.


Saturday, September 19, 2009


On Thursday morning I woke up at Ed's
house at six am, UK time.

That's eight hours ahead of Los Angeles time.

I took a cab to the train station,
took the train to Manchester airport,
got on a plane at 10 am,
took off at 10:45.

I flew to Atlanta, landing at 3:30 Atlanta time,
that's 8:30 pm UK time.

I had a layover until 5:45, went through customs,
took off at 6, landed in LA at 7:30 California time.

That's 3:30 am UK time. For a total travel time
of 21 and a half hours.

and that's where it got awesome.

I checked into a 4 star hotel
that I got on Priceline for 70 bucks.

I was meeting a lady,
we met.

Ate dinner, drank wine,
drank coffee in an effort
to stay awake late enough to
reset my clock and get past jetlag.

I woke up the next morning at 7:30 am,
couldn't sleep,
woke up the lady...

"hey, let's go downstairs and get some breakfast
and bloody marys and then I'll fall back asleep no problem."

We went, we convinced them to unlock the bar
to serve us cocktails, at 8 am.

We were surrounded by business people,
I was sitting in a cowboy hat and sunglasses
asking for their wine list at 8 am.

It was awesome.

We did not get back to sleep,
we checked out late at 3 pm,
took a cab to my house in LA.

My roommates we're gearing up to visit
some bar in the mountains.

Now, when I tell you that last night
I went to the coolest bar in the world,
surely you can trust me.

I think I am a relatively good authority
on cool bars, having been to a fair number around the world.

This place, was fucking unbelievable.

I was half asleep, riding a current
of coffee, and steady drinking.
I was still in my cowboy hat and sunglasses,
when we turned up at this Ranch Bar.

A bar, on a ranch, in the middle of the mountains,
with tons of money, but not expensive, and no one there
except for a few small groups like us wandering
around not believing how beautiful and awesome it was.

They had ducks, paddle boats,
chandeliers hanging from trees,
all weather mattresses laid out on the grass,
pillows, outdoor couches, frogs, a classy bar,
some kind of chef, trails, and no apparent
rules or regulations.

We stayed there until it was time to leave,
and now I'm waking up and getting ready
to go to the ocean.

England, I love you,
but holy shit, it's good to be home.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's finished.


Did I write some stupid love poem
about a bartender last night?

I barely even remember that.

That's what happens after 30 days
of constant driving, playing, partying,
barely sleeping, and certainly never
in my own bed.

I was delirious going into the show last night.

30 days of faithful celibacy,
and last night I was surrounded by girls.

Beautiful girls of all ages and shapes
and colors and accents.

There was a row of 19 year old freshmen,
begging me to sing a song about their nipples.

I did.

They started rubbing them in time to the music
and squealing with delight.

It was like a bad dream,
or a good dream, I'm not sure.

It was a great gig,
and a great way to end off the tour.

I have more footage than I know what to do with,
I'll try to get some highlight videos of for you soon.

And no,
I don't have a picture of the barmaid.

she was lovely, though.
that much I remember.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A letter for a barmaid in England

I have been faithful
for ten days times three.

But if I can't write love poems
than I can't be me.

You are:

a girl that boys write songs about.

a dream.

a challenge,
like playing chess naked
on a friday, with someone who is really good.

really good.

a flower that can only sniffed,
from a distance, to be safe.

a mystery
and I wonder,
or maybe I'm sure.

ten times
the woman
that I deserve.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Hitting the home stretch in the UK


I'm alive.

I just wanted to write
real quick and tell you that.

I've been playing every night
and driving all day every day since
you last heard from me.

This last stretch has been exhausting.

I played in a pirate bar,
I learned what a dread lock smells like,
I climbed Sir Walter Scott's monument tower,
I ate haggis,
I met people from Colorado and Michigan,
I pooped out yesterday's haggis,
and somewhere in there, I slept.

I'll tell you more later,
I've got another show to run off to.


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Dexter and Dougstanhope

My two new favorite things begin with D.

it's a TV show, I know.

But my friend Trav in Derby gave me the book.
The Omnibus, three books.

and that shit is good.

I tried to watch some episodes online last night,
because I've never seen it,
because I don't have showtime,
and I don't really have a TV.

But, check this out, HULU doesn't work in the UK.

And somehow they know I'm in the UK.

Now, I tried routing myself through an IP
blocker to make it seem like I'm surfing
through America, but that didn't work.

So I still haven't seen the show,
but man... the book is fantastic.

and scary as hell.

And I was sitting in an empty living room
reading about a guy cutting up bodies
piece by piece while they're still alive,
you know those automatic air freshener things?

they usually have them in bathrooms,
every 25 minutes or so they squirt out
a little pump of air freshener?

They always scare the crap out of me in bathrooms,
but when the one went off last night in the living room,
I almost peed my pants.

ironic, really,
or maybe just funny.

Maybe my brain is tricked into thinking
I'm in a bathroom when I hear that noise.

it was a great day off, reading scaring
books and not doing a god damn thing.

My other new favorite is Doug Stanhope.

He's a comic from the states.

I had heard of him, heard he was great,
but I had never seen his work.

It's fucking legendary.

He picks up where Bill Hicks left off,
and just like when Ed introduced me to Bill Hicks,
I felt stupid for not having heard it before,
and I felt invigorated and excited about comedy again.

Unlike Bill Hicks, Doug Stanhope is still alive,
and I'm going to try to catch him live before
he changes that fact.

One last thing,
the lead singer from The President of the United States of America
is now singing children's music.

And it's brilliant,
and he's playing in my old home town of Rochester, NY.

I'm back to Los Angeles in 8 days,
I've got 6 more shows here, but we just added a 7th.

see you soon, somewhere...


Monday, September 07, 2009

UK Video Diary #6

UK Tour Continued Part 268


I'm still on tour in the UK.

I don't think it's been that long,
but it seems like a very, very long time.

That's what quitting smoking pot does for you,
time just creeps by, and you can remember all of it.

This last string of shows has kicked ass,
I posted up two more videos today on my youtube channel.

I'm working on getting the NicePeter one
from this musician dude in Califoria.

I wrote him, telling him who I am,
he wrote back, he knows who I am,
he's been listening to me for years,
that's why he chose the name.

I felt cooler than I probably should have.


Remember all the hooplah over the 50 Cent is a pussy song?

well... some people are still posting hilarious comments on my youtube,
I hate to start posting them again here,
but this one just cracked me up:
"hey faggot i got a sonjg for u u saying 50 cent is a puss
but your the one who like a pussy i bet you knocked out anyone but your 
fucking gituar some times i look n think what kind of motherfucking nerd 
retard prick shit n so your whole mother father fucking u r go back MAN 
Why u wasting your time writing rhymes man 
go back to rock n roll bands u pussy jerks next time think what u say retard geek nerds faggot"
Then wait for the best part,
I had to peek at his profile,
and under "FAVORITE BOOKS"
he had written this:
"i hate book waste of tyme"

That is so funny on so many different levels,
I don't even know what to do with myself.

I've got the night off tonight,
I've got my own room, my own bed,
and I've even got the next day off too.

I'm just going to take it easy tonight,
edit some videos, maybe start posting
some live MP3s or something.

Things are really kicking ass over here,
we're selling a lot of shit, making new fans,
not getting into any real trouble.

I know that makes for rather dull blog posts,
but what can I say?  I haven't jumped into
any goat pens, although I did visit
a medieval cathedral today.

Holy shit...
am I getting boring?

I don't think so,
the last video I posted
was called "The Reason Abortion is Legal in England"

and I signed 14 boobs in Blackburn.

If that's a boring life,
than you must be riding
a roller coaster and tripping on mushrooms right now.

Oh, and I smoked pot two days ago,
so don't worry too much about that.


Saturday, September 05, 2009

UK Video Blog

Here's another video for you,
you remember the stories from Kettering?

All the drawings of cocks in the dressing room,
and the song written about the various vulgar scriblings?

here's some clips:

UK Tour Diary Day Whatever

Oh gosh.

I'm starting to slip
a little bit on the blog.

Truth is, we're in the middle
of twelve gigs in a row.

A lot of them have long drives,
and pretty much all of them have been long nights.

I'll give you some highlights:

Bideford was awesome,
three sets, great crowd on a Thursday,
and I discovered the joys of picking on the Welsh.

I thought I was getting sick,
but I think that's because I was so
hungover from the gig in London.

I fucking hate London.

I shouldn't say it like that, sorry.

I fucking despise London.

It's a wonderful city,
I guess,
and I'm sure living there
would be lovely.

But driving in and out is hellish,
and we always end up spending too much
money, taking too much time,
and it's almost always the weakest set of the tour.

That said, a dude posted some videos
on my if you would
like to see them.

We did have a lovely dinner in London.

We ate at a Nigerian restaurant.

It occurred to me,
why does every dry, hot, water-shortaged climate
produce the hottest, spiciest food?

Mexico, India, African food...

hot as hell.

Can you imagine sweating after eating
a hot bowl of Goat curry in the middle of Africa?

That's what we ate,
no kidding,
Goat curry.

That might have been part of what set me off
to a weird start for the London gig.

Goat curry does not make well
for jumping around onstage.

Lesson learned,
but it was still a wonderful dinner
with some wonderful friends from my
old hometown of Rochester, NY.

I think there's a video of me telling
the story about the Goat curry at the show.

I haven't had the balls to watch them yet.

Tonight I'm in Glossop, in the North, ish...
at the foot of the Pennines,
That's a mountain range here in England.

I'm at a great pub called the Moon and Sixpence,
the pub is already filling up, it's a Saturday,
I feel good, and I think it's gonna be an awesome night.

I'll try to keep you more in the loop,
and I think I have another video diary to show you, too.


Tuesday, September 01, 2009

UK Video Blog #3

Day 10 - Paddywhacks

We woke up on the floor in Kettering,
at Sawyer's pub, a wonderful pub that
is small and local and owned by a wonderful
couple and the way pub's should be.

We drove all the way across the country
to a bar that could not be more different.

And we treated ourselves to the luxury
of a hotel room, 2 nights!

Upon checking in,
I browsed the vending machines,
and I was delighted and freaked out
to see that they sold...
ready for this?

Roast Ox flavored
potato chips.

Roast OX?

you're kidding me.

Of course I had to buy them,
they get really crazy with
their potato chips over here.

and yes, I know,
you call them crisps.

The one behind the Roast Ox
was Ham and Onion.

gross, dude,

So I bought the Roast Ox Chips,
opened them up,
took one bite,
and my suspicions were confirmed.

Roast Ox Potato chips are gross as hell.


We rested up,
got ready for the gig in Sunderland.

Now last time I played there,
it was after a huge soccer match
between Sunderland and their main rival,

Sunderland won,
and it was the cheeriest atmosphere
I have ever played in my life.

hundreds of drunk happy
people singing and dancing.

I spent half the set improvising,
and playing covers,
and generally just pounding
away on the Wazinator and
keeping the party going.

It was a blast, I got paid well,
and I stayed sober.

This gig was pretty much the same,
except Sunderland lost that day,
but it was still hundreds of drunks,
dancing and singing,
and I pounded on the Wazinator,
played covers, and kept the party going.

One girl came up to the stage
and started eyeing me provocatively.

I sang about her a bit,
she stayed up there,
as if waiting for something,
and I asked...
"can I help you with something?"

she replied,
without batting an eye,
"yeah... I want you to come down here and fuck me."

jesus christ,
Sunderland girls...

It was a fun set,
if not artistically interesting,
it was definitely a party
and I was the time keeper.

We sang and danced,
and I got highlights on video for you.

I'm trying to catch up
on a backlog of blogs,
so I'll end this one here.