Life is an ocean

I told a friend who was stressed out today

that life is like swimming in the ocean,

it comes in waves, and every once in

a while you end up with a bunch

of salt water in your mouth, and you just

need to spit that shit out and start over.

then another friend was telling

me about some other comedy band.

he asked if I wanted him to "fuck them up?"

I said, "yes, fuck them up like vaginas hanging from a clothesline"

I was feeling pretty wise and dirty today.

Like Benjamin Franklin on the set of a softcore porn.

I used to work at this shit ass restaurant called Sisley Italian kitchen.

Oh... I hope so bad they find this through a Google search,

like happened to my friend Nick, who ended up getting fired because

he blogged about his restaurant.

Anyway, Sisley sucked in every way possible,

except for the food, and the other waiters,

they were both pretty awesome.

But the owners, specifically the woman, the female,

the alpha bitch, oh man.... she was the absolute worst on earth.

I have never seen such a steady, unrelenting supply of bitch-fuel,

she could go for days on end, not being kind to anyone.

It was shocking, really.

They used to post up these memos, every day, on the door

when you walked in.

Memos about our "tap water policy"

Who the fuck.. has a tap water policy?

Memos about how we should be ashamed of ourselves,

how our service is an embarrassment, about how we can't

bring purses into work because we are all just thieves,

everyday was some kind of degrading, demoralizing,

awful nasty shit on the door for you to read, and then initial.

That was how you started every day, reading some awful shit,

it was not good for your brain, man... not good.

That restaurant closed, because the owners ran it into the ground,

because they are retarded, and Italian, never a good combination.

I stuck to music for a while to make a living, it was cool, but I needed

to get a dayjob to help me afford the comforts of life.  I like to eat nice food,

I like to drink nice beer, and smoke the best weed, that's about it.

I buy used clothes, and I find my furniture in the garbage.  

So I got the coolest job ever,

you can read the post below to find out more.

My bosses are cool as fuck,

and today, I received my first memo.

here it is, word for word:

When cannabis is smoked, a large amount of its THC—or tetrahydrocannabinol, the chief chemical that causes activation and pain relief—is destroyed. When it's eaten (not burned), the THC stays intact. In addition, the way THC is metabolized in the body when it's eaten makes its effects last longer. In short, eating marijuana instead of smoking it gives patients more bang for their buck.

-p