Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Return 2

Hey hey,
what do you know?
two days in a row.

Last night the Venkman Brothers made our first recording.
I know, I said we never would, but I just got the itch last night.

I went out to Dante's house around 3, we wrote the song in 10 minutes,
recorded it in an hour, and here you go:


That's me a on drums, Dante on guitars,
all in one take, and then vocal overdubs
until my throat got sore.

After we laid down that song,
we made a trip to Weird Al's recording engineer's
home studio.  Yeah, no shit.

He was an awesome dude, he recorded Beautiful by Christina Aguilera,
and he helped us record one of Dante's songs, which I had the pleasure
of playing bass on.

It turns out I've been a bass player all my life,
I just didn't know it.  And everything I know about the bass
I learned from Pauly Doerr, he's a god damned legend.

Today I wrote some more jokes,
here's a snippet:
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I'm single right now, again, which means.... ugh... it's hard to even talk about, it means I have to start using condoms again.  Man... that really sucks.  I fucking hate condoms, oh they are the worst.  I know, I know, they're important, blah blah blah, they suck.  It's like fucking a ziploc bag, it's terrible.  And it makes me so clumsy.  Ladies, I'm not sure if you're aware, but we can't feel anything. Trying to get inside of you is like a blind man trying to find a doorknob.  It's like trying to pick your nose while you're wearing a mitten.

I think birth control should be state sponsored and free. seriously.  As soon as girls start getting their period, bam, free birth control from the government.  It should be talked about in the open, it should be free, and it should be great.  We need it.  Make them taste good if you want to, make them like flintstone fucking vitamins.  Put them in Mcdonalds hamburgers, I dont' care, just get them out there.  We are reproducing way too fast, and in the wrong direction.  Stupid people make babies.  seriously, think of the dumbest girl you knew in highschool, she is probably the one with the most kids.

You sir, you look pretty smart, how many kids do you have?  and how old are you?  right, see?  you and I don't have kids because we're not fucking stupid.  "but I love my babies"  bullshit. you don't love them.  If you really loved them, you wouldn't have made the 3rd and 4th one so you could focus on the first two.
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-p

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