The Car that changed the World

1990.

A good year for Merlot,
and a great year
for Mercury Sable 4-Door Sedans.

6 Cylinders, for power.

No muffler, who needs it?

Digital Dashboard, for no reason at all.

8 Speaker Hi-Fi soundsystem,
with Cassette only.

Awesome.

I've been driving around town,
listening to my Huey Lewis and the News,
and feeling great about life.

A car comes with Freedom.

The Freedom to remove the entire
backseat for more cargo space.

The freedom to buy a custom
steering wheel cover and
Curious George floormats.

I bought the Sable two weeks
ago at a charity auction out
in the suburbs of Chicago.

$400 cash.

Yup, that's right.

$400 cash.

And it works.

I had to get some work
done on the front transaxle,
I don't know what that is,
but it needed afixin.

The transmission, engine,
lights, electric, wheels, everything works fine.

Again, no muffler, so it sounds like a motorcycle,
but I can always get that fixed.

In the meantime,
I can go pick up groceries,
I can drive to the Thrift Store,
and when April arrives,
we can hit the road in
leather interior style.

-p

this just in...

from an email:

Hey man,

I just saw a clip on youtube of you doing "Fuck Guitar Center". This
is the single greatest piece of material I have ever encountered. As
an educated musician and former GC employee, I have more than a few
reasons to share your sentiments about this noble aggregation. GC
fucked me more ways than I can count, and to hear my innermost
thoughts of them paralelled in a live performance by an ensemble I am
not familiar with is truly spectacular. You are a wise man, indeed.
Keep it up!

Sincerely,

New Instant Fan

Myspace.com/terriblebands

So...
Myspace fucking blows ass.

Everybody knows it,
everybody still uses it,
but we all know how much it sucks.

I'll tell you one of the things that
bothers me the most...
the bands who write those
phony fucking comments.

"THANKS for the the ADD!!!
Be sure to check out our new single!
We appreciate your support
and we love you too!
Ethereal Havoc Rules!!!"

So...
I decided to do an experiment.

I created a myspace page called:

Your Band Sucks.

The name is Your Band Sucks,
and I invite bands to be my friends.

I just started today,
and I've already got 5 terrible band friends,
plus Tom.

check it out anytime:
www.myspace.com/terriblebands

They're all fallinf for it.
"Your Band Sucks"
asks you to be their friend?
and you accept?
are you fucking kidding me?

-p

blah

I know you must be sick

of the 50 Cent shit.

Lord knows I am,

but every now and then

something still makes me laugh,

really hard.

Like this comment from Youtube:

"u prick 50 cent iz a role modle 2 me u dick ed"

really?

are you real?

a role modle?

I'm still laughing pretty hard.

-p

It still rages

People continue to react to 

the 50 Cent is a Pussy song,

and I continue to be amazed.

I got some very nasty messages on my guestbook here at nicepeter.com,

but that's okay, I just went in and edited their messages

to a be a bit friendlier, go take a look....

I think it's the diversity of the people,

along with the depth of their anger,

that confuses me the most.

Did you get to see the 

rap about me written by

the guy from Norway?

It's fucking hilarious.

It's in the guestbook,

one or two pages back.

How about the guy who joined my email list

as "thissucksdicks@fu.com"

how funny.

I went to visit FU.com,

it belongs to: FU Associates in Arlington, VA

I sent them this email:

-----------------

Hello,

I received a new member to

my email list from your website,

I just wanted to confirm.

"thissucksdick@fu.com"

did you really want to

join the nice peter email list

for updates about our band?

-np

------------------------

I wonder if they'll write back.

Here's some highlights from Youtube:

"they got a job and tha nigga 50 got and gettin more money in a month then u get in a mafuckin lifetime.respect it buudoe!"

what?

"HE looks like the pussy, and would probably shit himself if 50 Cent or any other black thug type person was to confront him."

black thug type person?

really?

"He is obviously obsessed with 50 if he took the time to write and compose a song on the matter"

oh...you got me.

"let me tell you something 50 cent maybe a pussie but white people are pussies!!! white pussiesssssss!"

and, I'm the racist...

"this guy is probably a racist, doesnt understand that there are actually ghettos where people like 50 cent have to grow up and survive... this fucking bitch probably had everything handed to him."

like I said.

"why do fags sing shit, faget"

what?

"this guy dosent no what he is taking about he is a pussy mind you i bet he cant get a pussy"

maybe, but at least I can spell simple words like "doesn't"

jesus christ.

All in all,

the video has been "favorited"

more times than "ignorant commented"

so I guess that's pretty cool.

-p

howdy

hey guys,

let's drink a wholt bottle of wine
and try to write a journal entry.

good idea, opete.

donm't even edit it,
just type,.
and jeep typing no matter
what comes out

okay!

we played a show this saturay in Licolnshire.

a suburb of Chicago,

great show.

awesome crowd.

good enegry.

special thabnsk
to Heffe and the Heffe crew
from Rockford.

They came all the way to
see us play anfd it was aweomse.

I just spilled wine on my laptop.

shitty.

work ahs been sucky,
btu kinda cool, cause I'm makling some money.

tour plans are going wekk, I think.
we4're having a lot of shows coming up.

Englandf Tour III

Moidwest Tour XXMMI

love you all.

-ped

Zanies

Well,
I had a pretty big week last week..

I performed at Zanies comedy club in Chicago,
Tuesday through Saturday, two shows a night.

I didn't tell anybody, I know that's weird,
but it was important to me to see what it's
like to play to a completely new crowd
at a stand up comedy club.

It was great, I swear I'll let you know next time.

It was really, really great, in it's own way.

Much different than a music club,
everyone was listening intently,
but at the same time, the pressure
for constant laughs was much higher.

I got used to it, it took me a couple
of days, and I can definitely see myself
getting better.

The cool thing was the guys I met.

On no particular order:

Mychee Hall,
he was the opener.
and he was a real black guy.

We spent a lot of time together,
he's a fantastic dude, and he
gave me lots of insight into
the comedy scene.

Jimmy Shubert,
he was the national headliner,
he has his own Comedy Central
special and stuff, and he is fucking awesome.

He's just a pro, he's been doing it forever,
he used to tour with Sam Kinison,
he gave me shitloads of advice,
and he swears worse than I do.

Hal Sparks,
he's that dude from Talk Soup on E.
And he's in Queer as Folk.

He was the headliner for two special shows.
What a cool dude.
I recognized him right away,
cause I used to watch Talk Soup
all the time, so to me, he was
kinda famous.
Well, he is kinda famous.

I played it cool, though,
I was determined not to be a dork.

I just said, "hi, I'm Pete, they have great sandwiches
down the road if you get hungry..."

they did.

I met his girlfriend too,
and I couldn't figure out how I knew her.
She was definitely familiar,
hmmm....

it took me a few days to realize
that I've masturbated to naked
pictures of her on the internet.

She's a Suicide Girl,
and one of my favorites.

Weird.

I'm glad I didn't realize
that when I met her,
that would have been too much.

So, the week was good,
I learned a lot, and I'm going
to start playing more comedy clubs.

It's a different scene, but I like it.

-p