Perspective

I cut my fucking finger open
on a god damned can of tuna fish
the other day.

I mean, bad.

I was bleeding all over
my tuna fish,
and all over the floor,
and then all over the sink.

I was trying to pry the lid off,
and the jagged metal edge
ripped through my right index
fingertip.

I'd say.... about 3/8 of an inch deep.

that's fucking deep.

it left this cut that looked like a mouth,
a dangling flap of flesh.

At first, I was surprised,
because I was looking at this
huge cut, and it didn't hurt that much.

hmm...

weird.

wait...
I can't feel my fingertip at all.

My entire tip of my index finger was numb.

still is.

I sliced through the nerves, you see?

which left the nerve-end exposed.

it didn't hurt at all,
until my friend told me
to put pressure on it
to stop the bleeding.

I pressed down onto an exposed nerve,
and I fell down onto the kitchen floor.

I don't like to complain,
people experience so much more
pain than I did, I can't really say much.

But I can say,
that pressing an exposed
nerve is really, really, intense.

It got my mind thinking,
what about people who were tortured?

I actually asked out loud at work,
"can you imagine what it would have been like
to be tortured.?"

According to legend,
Kind Edward the II
was killed by inserting
a red hot piece of metal
into his rectum.

slowly.

I told that story at work,
everybody was freaked out,
except for Chulo, the Mexican dessert guy,
he really liked that one.

It's fun showing your finger wound
to the cooks in a restaurant.

They've got stories, cuts, scars,
and burns to be proud of.

But even they were shocked
when I showed them mine.

"dios mio! I could fit my cock in there...!"

there's a very homo-erotic style
of humor in a Mexican staffed kitchen.

So,
I had to go to the hospital,
eventually.
because two days later,
my finger was purple
and I still couldn't feel anything.

and I don't think I've had
a tetanus shot since Michael
Jackson was black.

The trip to the hospital
will probably cost me
four hundred dollars,
and I don't have insurance,
and I still can't feel my finger,
but, hey....

at least I wasn't the tuna.

-p

How to book a tour in England

I met a bartender the other night,

who seemed to know me,

at least she knew my name.

I don't know if I had met her before,

but she was very nice,

and pretty,

and we talked a little about England.

I told her I could give her advice,

if she emailed me,

and I thought I'd share my response with you.

I'm not sure why,

I just think it's kinda interesting:

---------------------------------------------

hey pete I just had some questions about your tour.  all these places seem like really great places top play....did any of them have places for you to stay while you were playing there?  Did you rent a car to get a train ticket? and did you tour solo or with your drummer?? I'm really considering this is sounds like such a great thing.

-rebecca

----------------------------------------------------------------

okay.

well,

I've been four times now.

If you get a car,

you need a GPS,

they call them Sat Navs,

and you can rent them for 40 pounds for a month.

You can also rent a car,

with a Visa card,

and save on the insurance.

Visa has an automatic car rental

insurance built in, as long as you pay

the whole thing with a visa,

you can find that info through your bank.

American Express has a similar thing

on some cards, it can save you hundreds

of dollars.

Again, without the Sat Nav GPS thing,

you're going to be lost all the time.

even with it, alone, you're in a for a tough trip.

I would suggest taking the train the first time.

It's fun, relaxing, exciting, crazy,

and very safe. It's more like the Metra

than Amtrak.  You can get from

the absolute top of the country to

the bottom in nine hours.

I did it once when I messed up

geographically.

If you take the train,

you need these two websites:

www.britrail.com

for passes

and

www.nationalrail.co.uk

for train times, schedules,

and trip durations.

It will also help you figure

out how to plot the tour,

based on distance.

this site was handy in finding

different towns that are close to eachother:

http://www.picturesofengland.com/mapofengland/counties-map.html

I would pick a county,

pick a town,

look it up,

and find venues.

email them,

or even better,

if you can add international

calling and wake up early,

give them a call.

The accent is thick

on the cell phone,

and that gets tricky,

but they are almost

unbelievably friendly.

If they ask for a price,

tell them you are trying

to get a 100 pound guarantee,

some will say no,

some will say 75,

some will say 40.

but some, unbelievably,

will just say yes.

The UK music scene

is very type casted.

i.e.

they say exactly what the night

is going to be, and pigeon hole

everything.

You are acoustic.

put in "acoustic nights UK"

into google and watch what happens.

now put in "metal nights UK"

and see what I mean.

England usually works

on a system of "promoters"

who organize the gigs,

handle the money,

and best of all,

get people in the seats.

it doesn't always work,

but in my experience they

are excited to work with

acts from the US.

Your touring history

isn't as strong as it could be

to sell yourself as a national US artist,

but its still worth a try.

They book at least six months ahead

in some venues, a much longer lead time

than I've found over here.

If you start working on now for a

tour in June or July, you can see

how it goes, and decide what to do.

I did two weeks on my first tour,

gigging every day.

some didn't pay,

but one paid 200 quid (pounds)

in the current exchange rate,

thats four hundred bucks.

add one for fifty quid and

you've got your plane ticket.

I had an easier time,

because I was following

in the wake of another

comedy rock band that

do well over there.

They had told some people

about me, and I had a little to go on.

We play different types of venues,

I don't like the acoustic nights,

so I stay away from them.

people get freaked out by me

at those nights.

But you can target the acoustic nights,

pick two weeks, plot a basic route

using the maps, and start filling in gigs.

As for places to sleep.

My first tour I booked a bed and breakfast

for almost every night,

now I just go,

and figure I'll find a place to sleep.

I did 22 gigs in 24 days on my last tour,

it was me and my manager,

and we got one hotel room.

actually two,

but I ended up in bed

with a forty year old,

but that's a very different story.

the English are very friendly,

and almost always someone

will ask if you need a place to stay.

I can sleep on a dog if I drink enough,

so I made it okay,

but that part is up to you.

every single town

that has a music venue

also has a cheap bed and breakfast.

when I say cheap,

I mean 20-30 pounds.

that includes a full meal

in the morning.

if you're getting some good pay

at the shows, it's worth it.

Also, you can ask the venues

if they have a room for musicians

to stay in, some do.

I never would have been able

to do it without help,

so I'm happy to pass it on.

Ask as many questions

as you like, any time,

and if you haven't heard back from me,

ask again.

I'm lazy,

and I smoke a lot of pot sometimes,

but I'm definitely willing to help

as much as I can.

-p

The Last Night of Frivolity

Tis the season to get my
ass back in the line.

Let me fill you in.

I've been living in sin.

Sin, indulgence,
chocolate, cigarettes,
red wine, good pot,
great sex, and sleep.

I've had a lady staying with
me in my bedroom.

An eight by ten foot
lair of luxury.

Den of debauchery.

Enough with the alliterate metaphors,

I've been getting laid a lot.

It's great,
and it was unavoidable,
because she was crashing
here in this little room, with me,
and I was constantly, and delightfully,
distracted.

shit, that was another alliteration,
wasn't it?

sorry.

What it all comes down to is this,
tomorrow, my room mate moves out,
and I move all my gear, microphones,
guitars, and recording equipment into
the front bedroom.

And with some amount of concerted effort,
I've got to get back to work.

I've probably said this a hundred times,

"I've got to get back to work"

But it's true,
and what I need is,
a space.

Getting laid doesn't
distract me on it's own.

If it wasn't with one girl,
it might be another,
and if it wasn't with any,
I'd probably be jerking off
enough to keep me exhausted.

I'm a fairly horny kitten,
in case you didn't know.

But, having a space,
a hole, a little private workshop
where I can get stoned and let silly
songs come out into the wee hours of
the night when the really magical weird
shit happens.... that, I need.

I get it for one and a half months.

That's until the day they tear our building down.

Incidentally,
the day after my next big show in Chicago,
which to me... sounds like a great excuse
to throw the most ridiculous party ever thrown.

We don't have neighbors,
and... um.... they're tearing
my whole building down the next day.

"do you have a bottle opener?"

no.
just throw it against the window.

But, I must.. I must,
make sure that party is to celebrate something.

My first truly creative stint since
the last time I locked myself in a basement,
and recorded six songs, wrote twelve,
and broke up with a girl twice,
thus getting two more songs.

In the meantime I've tittered
and come up with some little things,
and I did a whole, relatively cool
album in a real studio.

But I can't wait to get back
into the kind of room where
all of this stupid shit started.

A... bed... room.

That's where I wrote the most,
how many fucking years ago?

I had no girlfriend,
I had no problems,
I had money,
and I had space.

I was living with a girl
for many years,
and now I've been
letting one stay with me,
out of necessity,
but.. you know... one thing
has led to another most nights.

But tomorrow,
today... by the time
you probably read this,
I start a new, mini-era.

wish me luck.

It's a time crunch,
which is good for me,
otherwise I usually just waste time.

-p

stickam test tonight

wow.

technology is amazing.

I'm playing a live, mini concert
on the internet tonight.

Thursday,
1/10
9 pm central.
I don't know how long.

go here to watch:
http://www.stickam.com/profile/nicepeter

you'll figure it out.

this is only a test run,
real show starts next week.

-p

gold bars

what...?

you didn't catch the nice peter
special guest vip style breakdown
on the red bar radio show?

oh.

you gots the i-tunes?

cool.

here:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?

id=73329973&s=143441&i=21808753

The internets

Dude.

I can't handle how
cool technology is getting.

I'm starting my own
live concert series,
from my bedroom.

Let me explain...

Last Friday I appeared
on Red Bar Radio (redbarradio.com)

It was fucking awesome.

It's always been very cool,
the host, Mike D,
is a fucking cool guy,
no matter how much of an
ass he comes off as on his show.

That's just his schtick.

So it's always been cool,
and his listeners have become
fans of my music, and bought CDs,
and all that kind of shit.

but now!

He has a camera setup,
and he broadcasts the show,
live...
on a site called: stickam.com

and, get this...
people actually watch it.

sometimes hundreds,
maybe thousands at a time...
sometimes twelve.

that may not seem like a lot,
but keep in mind,
I've played to less in real life.

Now that got me thinking,
"why can't I do this?"

well...
I can.

I already have the camera,
my digital video camera can do it.

And I went out and bought a mixing board,
so I can put my mic, guitar, and wazinator
into the computer.

Viola...
live concert series,
every Thursday in January and February,
starting tomorrow night (Thursday, 2/10)
at 9 pm central.

The craziest shit is,
if you have a webcam,
you can see me,
and I can see you, too.

It's fucking weird,
but I'm looking forward to it.

You ca log into the chat room,
and make requests,
say shit, ask questions,
whatever you want.

This is for all the people
who live all over the place
or who are sixteen and have
never been able to make a real show.

And for me,
cause I don't want to leave
my house until I go back on tour.

I'm a little bit hermit-ty
like that.

My annoying room mate
moves out in seven days,
and I start recording new
shit in eight.

I'm still up in the air about what
to record.

I thought about doing
an album of covers,
calling it "cover bands suck dick"
and putting my "cover bands suck dick"
song as the last track.

I think that's pretty funny.

or..
I might do a serious EP,
weird.. huh?

But I wrote a lot of relatively
serious songs over the last few months,
and I'd like to lay them down,
so you can peek at my softer side.

or, I might do a standard Nice Peter EP,
call it, Songs About People,
and put the following songs on:

Friends
Radial Muslim Penpal
Pez Dispenser Collection
Sugar Momma
and a studio version of
Pornstar

what do you think?

and tune in any
Thursday, 9 pm central,
for a live concert on the internet.
the first one might be a little choppy,
in fact,
I might not even do it tomorrow,
but if I do..
I'll put all the info on my front page.

much love,

-p

Where the hell have you been?

Sorry.

I've been on break.

I had to take one,
I was getting sloppy.

I take breaks a lot,
but you have to remember,
just because I'm taking a break
from the website, or booking, or writing,
doesn't mean I'm not waiting on impatient
Indian people and dealing with girls and ex girls,
and moms, and brothers, and cousins, and what not.

Speaking of moms and brothers and cousins,
I played a show in my hometown,
and my mom and brother and cousins were there.

That was the first time my mother has seen me play.

Keep in mind,
I was not allowed to swear
in my house as a kid,
or a teenager.

And now I swear for a living.

Prohibition creates crime.

My mother loves the fact
that I perform, she's always encouraged me.

But as you can imagine,
she does not care for the
subject material.

I dedicated "If You Really Love Me"
to her.

that was weird.

But the show went well,
and my cousins seemed to love it.

That was over Christmas,
where I picked up a new toy
for the live show.

I can't tell you,
you'll have to see.

Let's just say, I can
sing with myself now.

hee hee....

Now I'm back in Chicago,
trying to figure out what to
with my life in three months,
and getting ready to move
into my awful room mate's
front room when he leaves
so I can record some new material.

I'm going back to my roots,
recording at home,
to lay down two EPs,
or perhaps one full length,
but probably two EPs.

I'm back in the office,
I've been out,
but now I'm back.

I guess I do this
from time to time,
but it keeps me sane.

You'll hear from me more,
I've got stories you
wouldn't believe.

And...
I'm starting to book shows,
a mini tour in February,
and a full tour in March/April
and another UK tour in April/May.

stay tuned,
it's nice to see you again.

-p