Sunday, September 24, 2006

Movies

Kyle Gass from Tenacious D asked me for
weed from stage during the Trainwreck show.

A slightly older lady showed us her boobs
at the show in Merrill, Wisconsin.

Don't worry,
I got both on video.

We've got some exciting videos coming soon.

Stay tuned.

-p

Saturday, September 23, 2006

little flash video

A dude named lazymuffinman
sent me a link to a flash video
he made of part of the Bush Song.

I think its fantastic,
I only wish there was more.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/340285

-p

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Fireballs

Do you remember when I told you about

the flaming rolls of toilet paper,

and how one hit me?

Well, somebody caught it on video.

If you look close,

you can see me in a brown shirt

near the end of the video,

picking one up and trying to kick,

then I go off screen, and you hear

a bunch of people saying, "oh!.... oh shit!"

that's me with my shirt on fire.

<fontfamily><param>Times New Roman</param><color><param>0000,0000,FFFF</param><bigger><bigger>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruNn3TiUh_0

-p</bigger></bigger></color></fontfamily>

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The stories they tell...

I got this from Joseph:
--------------------------------------
Hey Pete, what's up? It's been a while, and I just got your email
about Chicago so I decided to write you and congratulate you on stuff,
that's really awesome.

I also have a random story. So I park my car at this pharmacy at 12:30
in the afternoon on Tuesday cause I needed to get ice-cream. Anyway,
out of the blue this guy parks his car right next to me and there's a
chick in the passenger's seat and just randomly she starts giving him
head. In the parking lot. Of a damn pharmacy. At 12:30 in broad
daylight. Needless to say, I'm laughing my ass off at the dude's
expressions and I'm thinking, "This can't get much better than this"
and boy was I wrong. About 2 minutes later, the chick opens the car
door, spits it out, and then notices me staring at her. I wave, she
gets embarassed, the dude gets pissed, and they drive away. WHAT A
SUNDAY.

hahaha take care man, i just thought you'd enjoy that.

Current Events

Let me make sure I got this right...

Muslim leaders in Iraq
were offended by a speech
from the pope, suggesting
that violence and aggression
are inherent in Islam.

They showed their displeasure
by burning a likeness of the pope,
and making promises of violence
against all of Christianity.

Did I get that right?

Is that nigger calling me a racist?

-p

Monday, September 18, 2006

Poop.

I lost my poop bracelet.

Allow me to explain.

Many months ago,
two girls came to me
in Ames, IA, and offered
me their bracelets.

They were both made of colorful
beads strung on a stretchy cord,
with one word spelled out.

The first said, "poop"
the second said, "slut".

I thanked them,
because I love bracelets of any kind,
and I put them both on.

But then, my wrist said, "poop slut",
and that just made me feel weird.

So I gave "slut" to Kristen,
but she misplaced it,
and I was left with "poop",
much to the chagrin of
the original slut.

I loved that bracelet,
I wore it every day.

I wore it this past Saturday,
when we played at the Napolean
Skydiving Center in Michigan.

I keep telling you,
it's the best fucking concert of the year,
and the most awesome party.

I lost "poop" when a flaming
roll of toilet paper soaked
in jet fuel hit me on the arm.

I'm serious.

We were playing soccer
with 20+ rolls of flaming
toilet paper soaked in jet fuel.

I'm serious.

I told you it was an awesome party.

You see, jet fuel burns at a surprisingly
low temperature, so you can pick
up the rolls of toilet paper with your hand,
and kick them.

You must maintain constant vigilance,
because twenty other drunk fools
are kicking flaming rolls of toilet paper also.

One moment, I was happy with my "poop",
the next moment, the drummer from the Ghettobillies
was telling me my shirt was on fire.

I stopped,
I dropped,
and I rolled.

No burns,
but the heat was just
enough to melt the delicate
plastic stretchy cord that
held "poop" together.

Now, my wrist is bare,
and I am actively seeking
a new bracelet.

Poop.

-p

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

From a Myspace Message

"I'm probably not the first person to send this type of mail. I just wanted to say that your stuff is pretty good. I also happen to be a store manager for Guitar Center. Its funny that pretty much everything you say is almost true. Unfortunately thats the product of being a publicly traded company. Were not all bad though ;) Ive spent 6 years with GC and have loved every second of it. Anyway, if you ever need anything at all, Id like to be your personal hook up. I can also get you a few gigs here in tulsa if youre in town. Just let me know."

Thanks,
-Dan C
GM @ GC Tulsa

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

not a time to mourn

I've always been a creature of habit.

I wear the same pants,
the same bracelet and necklace,
a rotating cast of three or four shirts,
every day.

I use the same guitar strings every show,
the same cable, the same picks.

I put my chapstick and my mini altoids
in my left pocket, every day.

I keep my wallet, my cell phone,
and my keys in the right pocket.

I've never considered myself obsessive,
I barely washed my hands when I worked at Taco Bell.

Once I find a good routine,
it makes me happy every day.

When I was in high school,
I used the same deoderant for three years.

Every day.

I think, in fact... I know,
that some girls knew me by the
smell of my deoderant.

Maybe I got carried away,
I don't think you're supposed
to rub it on your neck.

The point is,
it was Arrid XX Dry
Clean Fresh Scent.

Not Morning Clean.
and definitely not
Mountain Fresh.

Fuck Mountain Fresh,
I wouldn't rub that on
my neck for a thousand dollars.

In my senior year,
perhaps the one time in my life
when I needed a good deoderant the most,
they stopped making it.

All of the sudden,
stores stopped carrying my scent.

How would the girls know who I was in the dark?

I was able to find an occasional stick,
hidden in the back on a shelf.

But slowly, over the course of the year,
I came to the sad realization that I would never smell the same.

I've never stuck with another deoderant for more than one stick since.

I'm not miserable, but I sure do miss that Clean Fresh Scent.

Fast forward ten years.

I just got an email,
personalized from Amanda
at Cosmeticmall.com,
she wanted to let me know
that the Salon Selectives
hair goop, that I have been
special ordering by the case
since they stopped selling it in stores,
is no longer being made, and has officially sold out.

I have been with this hair goop since my sophomore year in college.

Nothing else works right with my hair,
I love this goop, always have.

I fought the truth, when it started
dissappearing from stores,
and I refused to give up.

I found it online.

I ordered it by the case.

Who the hell orders hair goop by the case?

Me and hair salons.

Now it is gone.

I still have 6 tubs left.
Perhaps the last six in the world.

All things must pass,
and I will not mourn.

Instead, I have chosen to celebrate
this twilight of perfect hold.

Not too sticky, not too shiny,
just right.

I love you, hair goop.

And Clean Fresh Scent...
I will never forget you.

-p

Friday, September 01, 2006

Thai Kitchen

It's been a whirlwind.

I went on tour with Mission Improvable,
highlights include:
the poker game I won, (after losing two)
the awesome bar in Debuke, Iowa,
called the Hidden Lift, or something like that.

Holy shit, this place was cool.
They had free pool, a free shuffle board table,
they sold cigars, my favorite beer, Boddingtons,
and they had a blues band featuring the lead singer,
Watermelon Slim.

Watermelon Slim told us to watch out for the cops,
cause they busted him for growing weed plants
with his watermelon crop.

He was approximately 108 years old,
a skinny white guy with a few teeth left.

He was fantastic,
I want to play that bar someday,
hopefully while I still have teeth.

Right now we are in Ames, Iowa,
we've played three shows in this town
in the last two days, and we're at a Copy Center
waiting to play another.

It has been great.
Thumbs is a bar that rules.

I got to meet the very friendly girl
who gave me the Flamingo head band
at last year's concert.

She told me she loved me.
It was very sweet.

--I told you I'd write about you.

Love is a wonderful thing,
I must say, I love Ames, IA.

I seem to have an easy time writing songs here.
I wrote Cover Bands, and Chuck Norris,
and now I'm working on a new one about A.C. Slater.

I don't know if I told you,
but we're planning to take a few months off,
starting in November.

We're not giving up,
and we're not really that tired,
but I need a break, to finish the album,
and get a bit more organized with our tours.

I'm going to go back to work,
at a real job, or at least waiting tables.

We also need to save up for a new car.
I'm leaning toward the Toyota Rav 4.

This means no tours from November until
possibly February. It's a long time,
but we'll be back with gusto.

So, catch us while you can,
we've got quite a few shows booked in October,
say hello, share some love, and I'll keep
writing and recording so I can share some new shit.

I had to cancel our plans to go back to the UK in November,
we just can't afford it. Sorry, guys.
We'll be back as soon as we can.

Please allow me to share a dilemna.

I hate Clear Channel,
I hate them because they are ruining
everything that is good in music.

They are greedy little fucks.

I got a business card from a very nice girl here in Ames.

She is a DJ on a local music show on a big rock
station here in Ames.

She said, "send me a CD, and I'll play your songs on the radio, I like them."

Awesome, right?

No.
Dilemna.

There, in bold letters on the bottom of her business card:
"A Clear Channel Station"

Now what do I do?

Do I give up lots of exposure
so I can hold my moral ground?

I think I've already made up my mind.

Yes.

I do.

Clear Channel can go fuck themselves.

-p