Fistfull of dollars, handful of pubes

Let's talk about pornography, shall we?

It's a well known fact,
I think even among you ladies out there,
that the average man spends
a significant portion of his time online
looking at adult material.

I'm not saying he spends ALL his time,
he's got to book gigs, and update his website,
and write journal entries too.

But if internet usage was pie,
and porn surfing was a slice,
it would be a good, healthy,
great-aunt-serves-you
slice of porn pie.

My problem is,
and I know I'm not alone,
because I told Popsi and he laughed
with a laugh of understanding,
I get easily distracted.

You can't type anything into Google
without getting at least one porn link.

"Music Industry Tape Series"

yields:

"Hot Industrial Sluts Get Taped-up and Facialized in a Series"

And then you end up looking at porn for 20 minutes.

It's ridiculous.

I'm all about free-speech,
fuckers,
but some of the porn out there
on the internet is fucking creepy.

Scratch that,
I'd go so far as to say that
MOST of the porn on
the internet is creepy.

Who enjoys watching a skinny
girl with blond hair gag on some
over-agressive meat-head's dick
while she waits for her next line of coke?

Not me.

But I do.

We all do.

Men, that is.

It's all over,
and most of watch it
in some form or another.

The stuff that really gets me
is the overtly abusive shit.

www.GagOnMyCock.com

That's a real website.

What the fuck is the matter with people?

Who starts this, and who the fuck subscribes to it?

More importantly,
what happens to a man who spends
his free time jerking off to pictures
and videos of girls being violently
forced to "gagonmycock"?

It could be easy to dismiss,
but this website is ranked 3,933,
with daily pageviews of 16 Million.
(www.Alexa.com - traffic statistics)

That means it is the 3,933
most popular website in the world.
(NicePeter.com - 3,055,667)

I don't know,
this is some fucked up shit.

Why are 16 million people
looking at this weird, sick crap?
Instead of loving eachother,
and fucking eachother without puking?

(cut to light shining down through the clouds
while many voices sing "ahhhhh")

But there is a better way!

There is a future and I have seen
it and it makes me horny without
feeling like a creepy weirdo!

There is adult material out there
that you can feel good about!

I feel inspired to commit myself
to spreading the word of positive porn,
and maybe together, we can make a difference.

So girls, stop gaggingonmycock.
Fellas, stop looking at porn that makes
you feel guilty the instant after you
blow your load.
It's time for a better tomorrow.
And that tomorrow, is today.

Let's start with an Australian website.
This is my new favorite, in my opinion,
a true revolution in spank.

www.BeautifulAgony.com

The schtick:
Women and men videotape
themselves from the shoulders up,
while masturbating to orgasm.

Creepy? Not once you get used to it.
Intimate? More than you can imagine.
Truly and deeply erotic?
Well... certainly more than watching a girl puke.

-p

the downside

So.

Since Jan 1, 2006,
I, Pete Shukoff, play
music for a living.

Very cool.

It feels good,
it's a nice thing to say,
great way to meet chicks.

"what do you do for a living?"

"me...? oh, I play in a band, for a living...
yeah, that's right, now rub my shoulders
while I sign your friend's boobs."

But.

There's a downside.

Now it's a job.

A job where I must count dollars,
and keep track of them.

I've caught myself evaluating
the quality of a gig by how much money we made.

Not cool.

I've caught and punished myself
for such thoughts.

"Bad Peter..."

It's a funny struggle,
I feel a great responsibility to
"keep it real"

Even in this tiny business,
with no label or any of that other
stuff, I have felt a tiny disconnection
from the pure artistic value of playing music.

The disconnection
will be forced to
remain in tininess.

Have no fear,
I'm not making enough
money to get lost in any
kind of success.

But I am making enough
to survive, barely, and
that is very cool.

Now,
here comes my first nomination
for quote of the year...

The context:
A new homie in Appleton, WI,
a fan of the great jam band "Family Groove Company"
who saw a Nice Peter show for the first time
and wanted me and Kristen to come back to
his place to party.

"It's the kind of acid you take when you
want to find out what God's asshole smells like."

wow.

-p