test new blog 2

give me a second, homie,
I'm just trying to test some
new blog software.

I've got a new website, too,
it's almost done.

It's cleaner than before,
a bit more razzle dazzle,
but it's still pretty simple to use.

While I'm writing,
I might as well tell you some stuff.

Shit here has been crazy.

Good crazy, but crazy.

First off, I quit my job.

I didn't do it in a blaze of glory or anything,
but I definitely did do it.

I'm focusing on my music and comedy
and gearing up for more tours.

I'm coming to Chicago,
playing a tour of the midwest with Pauly and Donehoo on bass and drums.

Then I've got a mini tour of shows
opening for Jim Breuer at the Improv in Schuamburg.

I'm very very excited about that and you and everything.

okay, this was a long test.

-p

Homecoming

On Thursday morning I woke up at Ed's
house at six am, UK time.

That's eight hours ahead of Los Angeles time.

I took a cab to the train station,
took the train to Manchester airport,
got on a plane at 10 am,
took off at 10:45.

I flew to Atlanta, landing at 3:30 Atlanta time,
that's 8:30 pm UK time.

I had a layover until 5:45, went through customs,
took off at 6, landed in LA at 7:30 California time.

That's 3:30 am UK time. For a total travel time
of 21 and a half hours.

and that's where it got awesome.

I checked into a 4 star hotel
that I got on Priceline for 70 bucks.

I was meeting a lady,
we met.

Ate dinner, drank wine,
drank coffee in an effort
to stay awake late enough to
reset my clock and get past jetlag.

I woke up the next morning at 7:30 am,
couldn't sleep,
woke up the lady...

"hey, let's go downstairs and get some breakfast
and bloody marys and then I'll fall back asleep no problem."

We went, we convinced them to unlock the bar
to serve us cocktails, at 8 am.

We were surrounded by business people,
I was sitting in a cowboy hat and sunglasses
asking for their wine list at 8 am.

It was awesome.

We did not get back to sleep,
we checked out late at 3 pm,
took a cab to my house in LA.

My roommates we're gearing up to visit
some bar in the mountains.

Now, when I tell you that last night
I went to the coolest bar in the world,
surely you can trust me.

I think I am a relatively good authority
on cool bars, having been to a fair number around the world.

This place, was fucking unbelievable.

I was half asleep, riding a current
of coffee, and steady drinking.
I was still in my cowboy hat and sunglasses,
when we turned up at this Ranch Bar.

A bar, on a ranch, in the middle of the mountains,
with tons of money, but not expensive, and no one there
except for a few small groups like us wandering
around not believing how beautiful and awesome it was.

They had ducks, paddle boats,
chandeliers hanging from trees,
all weather mattresses laid out on the grass,
pillows, outdoor couches, frogs, a classy bar,
some kind of chef, trails, and no apparent
rules or regulations.

We stayed there until it was time to leave,
and now I'm waking up and getting ready
to go to the ocean.

England, I love you,
but holy shit, it's good to be home.

-p

It's finished.

Jesus.

Did I write some stupid love poem
about a bartender last night?

I barely even remember that.

That's what happens after 30 days
of constant driving, playing, partying,
barely sleeping, and certainly never
in my own bed.

I was delirious going into the show last night.

30 days of faithful celibacy,
and last night I was surrounded by girls.

Beautiful girls of all ages and shapes
and colors and accents.

There was a row of 19 year old freshmen,
begging me to sing a song about their nipples.

I did.

They started rubbing them in time to the music
and squealing with delight.

It was like a bad dream,
or a good dream, I'm not sure.

It was a great gig,
and a great way to end off the tour.

I have more footage than I know what to do with,
I'll try to get some highlight videos of for you soon.

And no,
I don't have a picture of the barmaid.

she was lovely, though.
that much I remember.

-p

A letter for a barmaid in England

I have been faithful
for ten days times three.

But if I can't write love poems
than I can't be me.

You are:

a girl that boys write songs about.

a dream.

a challenge,
like playing chess naked
on a friday, with someone who is really good.

really good.

a flower that can only sniffed,
from a distance, to be safe.

a mystery
and I wonder,
or maybe I'm sure.

ten times
the woman
that I deserve.

-p

Hitting the home stretch in the UK

Hi.

I'm alive.

I just wanted to write
real quick and tell you that.

I've been playing every night
and driving all day every day since
you last heard from me.

This last stretch has been exhausting.

I played in a pirate bar,
I learned what a dread lock smells like,
I climbed Sir Walter Scott's monument tower,
I ate haggis,
I met people from Colorado and Michigan,
I pooped out yesterday's haggis,
and somewhere in there, I slept.

I'll tell you more later,
I've got another show to run off to.

-p

Dexter and Dougstanhope

My two new favorite things begin with D.

Dexter,
it's a TV show, I know.

But my friend Trav in Derby gave me the book.
The Omnibus, three books.

and that shit is good.

I tried to watch some episodes online last night,
because I've never seen it,
because I don't have showtime,
and I don't really have a TV.

But, check this out, HULU doesn't work in the UK.

And somehow they know I'm in the UK.

Now, I tried routing myself through an IP
blocker to make it seem like I'm surfing
through America, but that didn't work.

So I still haven't seen the show,
but man... the book is fantastic.

and scary as hell.

And I was sitting in an empty living room
reading about a guy cutting up bodies
piece by piece while they're still alive,
and....
you know those automatic air freshener things?

they usually have them in bathrooms,
every 25 minutes or so they squirt out
a little pump of air freshener?

They always scare the crap out of me in bathrooms,
but when the one went off last night in the living room,
I almost peed my pants.

ironic, really,
or maybe just funny.

Maybe my brain is tricked into thinking
I'm in a bathroom when I hear that noise.

Anyway,
it was a great day off, reading scaring
books and not doing a god damn thing.

My other new favorite is Doug Stanhope.

He's a comic from the states.

I had heard of him, heard he was great,
but I had never seen his work.

It's fucking legendary.

He picks up where Bill Hicks left off,
and just like when Ed introduced me to Bill Hicks,
I felt stupid for not having heard it before,
and I felt invigorated and excited about comedy again.

Unlike Bill Hicks, Doug Stanhope is still alive,
and I'm going to try to catch him live before
he changes that fact.

One last thing,
the lead singer from The President of the United States of America
is now singing children's music.

And it's brilliant,
and he's playing in my old home town of Rochester, NY.

I'm back to Los Angeles in 8 days,
I've got 6 more shows here, but we just added a 7th.

see you soon, somewhere...

-p

UK Video Diary #6

UK Tour Continued Part 268

Hi.

I'm still on tour in the UK.

I don't think it's been that long,

but it seems like a very, very long time.

That's what quitting smoking pot does for you,

time just creeps by, and you can remember all of it.

This last string of shows has kicked ass,

I posted up two more videos today on my youtube channel.

It's YouTube.com/Pshukoff,

I'm working on getting the NicePeter one

from this musician dude in Califoria.

I wrote him, telling him who I am,

he wrote back, he knows who I am,

he's been listening to me for years,

that's why he chose the name.

I felt cooler than I probably should have.

--

Remember all the hooplah over the 50 Cent is a pussy song?

well... some people are still posting hilarious comments on my youtube,

I hate to start posting them again here,

but this one just cracked me up:

----------------------------------------------------------------

"hey faggot i got a sonjg for u u saying 50 cent is a puss

but your the one who like a pussy i bet you knocked out anyone but your 

fucking gituar some times i look n think what kind of motherfucking nerd 

retard prick shit n so your whole mother father fucking u r go back MAN 

Why u wasting your time writing rhymes man 

go back to rock n roll bands u pussy jerks next time think what u say retard geek nerds faggot"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Then wait for the best part,

I had to peek at his profile,

and under "FAVORITE BOOKS"

he had written this:

"i hate book waste of tyme"

That is so funny on so many different levels,

I don't even know what to do with myself.

I've got the night off tonight,

I've got my own room, my own bed,

and I've even got the next day off too.

I'm just going to take it easy tonight,

edit some videos, maybe start posting

some live MP3s or something.

Things are really kicking ass over here,

we're selling a lot of shit, making new fans,

not getting into any real trouble.

I know that makes for rather dull blog posts,

but what can I say?  I haven't jumped into

any goat pens, although I did visit

a medieval cathedral today.

Holy shit...

am I getting boring?

I don't think so,

the last video I posted

was called "The Reason Abortion is Legal in England"

and I signed 14 boobs in Blackburn.

If that's a boring life,

than you must be riding

a roller coaster and tripping on mushrooms right now.

Oh, and I smoked pot two days ago,

so don't worry too much about that.

-p

 

UK Video Blog

Here's another video for you,
you remember the stories from Kettering?

All the drawings of cocks in the dressing room,
and the song written about the various vulgar scriblings?

Well..
here's some clips:

UK Tour Diary Day Whatever

Oh gosh.

I'm starting to slip
a little bit on the blog.

Truth is, we're in the middle
of twelve gigs in a row.

A lot of them have long drives,
and pretty much all of them have been long nights.

I'll give you some highlights:

Bideford was awesome,
three sets, great crowd on a Thursday,
and I discovered the joys of picking on the Welsh.

I thought I was getting sick,
but I think that's because I was so
hungover from the gig in London.

I fucking hate London.

I shouldn't say it like that, sorry.

I fucking despise London.

It's a wonderful city,
I guess,
and I'm sure living there
would be lovely.

But driving in and out is hellish,
and we always end up spending too much
money, taking too much time,
and it's almost always the weakest set of the tour.

That said, a dude posted some videos
on my facebook.com/nicepeter if you would
like to see them.

We did have a lovely dinner in London.

We ate at a Nigerian restaurant.

It occurred to me,
why does every dry, hot, water-shortaged climate
produce the hottest, spiciest food?

Mexico, India, African food...

hot as hell.

Can you imagine sweating after eating
a hot bowl of Goat curry in the middle of Africa?

That's what we ate,
no kidding,
Goat curry.

That might have been part of what set me off
to a weird start for the London gig.

Goat curry does not make well
for jumping around onstage.

Lesson learned,
but it was still a wonderful dinner
with some wonderful friends from my
old hometown of Rochester, NY.

I think there's a video of me telling
the story about the Goat curry at the show.

I haven't had the balls to watch them yet.

Tonight I'm in Glossop, in the North, ish...
at the foot of the Pennines,
That's a mountain range here in England.

I'm at a great pub called the Moon and Sixpence,
the pub is already filling up, it's a Saturday,
I feel good, and I think it's gonna be an awesome night.

I'll try to keep you more in the loop,
and I think I have another video diary to show you, too.

-p

UK Video Blog #3

Day 10 - Paddywhacks

We woke up on the floor in Kettering,
at Sawyer's pub, a wonderful pub that
is small and local and owned by a wonderful
couple and the way pub's should be.

We drove all the way across the country
to a bar that could not be more different.

And we treated ourselves to the luxury
of a hotel room, 2 nights!

Upon checking in,
I browsed the vending machines,
and I was delighted and freaked out
to see that they sold...
ready for this?

Roast Ox flavored
potato chips.

Roast OX?

you're kidding me.

Of course I had to buy them,
they get really crazy with
their potato chips over here.

and yes, I know,
you call them crisps.

The one behind the Roast Ox
was Ham and Onion.

gross, dude,
gross.

So I bought the Roast Ox Chips,
opened them up,
took one bite,
and my suspicions were confirmed.

Roast Ox Potato chips are gross as hell.

,

We rested up,
got ready for the gig in Sunderland.

Now last time I played there,
it was after a huge soccer match
between Sunderland and their main rival,
Newcastle.

Sunderland won,
and it was the cheeriest atmosphere
I have ever played in my life.

hundreds of drunk happy
people singing and dancing.

I spent half the set improvising,
and playing covers,
and generally just pounding
away on the Wazinator and
keeping the party going.

It was a blast, I got paid well,
and I stayed sober.

This gig was pretty much the same,
except Sunderland lost that day,
but it was still hundreds of drunks,
dancing and singing,
and I pounded on the Wazinator,
played covers, and kept the party going.

One girl came up to the stage
and started eyeing me provocatively.

I sang about her a bit,
she stayed up there,
as if waiting for something,
and I asked...
"can I help you with something?"

she replied,
without batting an eye,
"yeah... I want you to come down here and fuck me."

jesus christ,
Sunderland girls...

It was a fun set,
if not artistically interesting,
it was definitely a party
and I was the time keeper.

We sang and danced,
and I got highlights on video for you.

I'm trying to catch up
on a backlog of blogs,
so I'll end this one here.

-p