Thursday, March 25, 2010

oh holy shit

hahahaha

I just got this video sent to me from this very strange venue
that the Venkman brothers had their first show at.

You can see us trying to figure out what chords to play
before making up a whole song about cats.

here you go:
http://tfortalent.com/index.php?
option=com_hwdvideoshare&task=viewvideo&Itemid=7&video_id=750

Life is an ocean

I told a friend who was stressed out today
that life is like swimming in the ocean,
it comes in waves, and every once in
a while you end up with a bunch
of salt water in your mouth, and you just
need to spit that shit out and start over.

then another friend was telling
me about some other comedy band.

he asked if I wanted him to "fuck them up?"

I said, "yes, fuck them up like vaginas hanging from a clothesline"

I was feeling pretty wise and dirty today.
Like Benjamin Franklin on the set of a softcore porn.

I used to work at this shit ass restaurant called Sisley Italian kitchen.
Oh... I hope so bad they find this through a Google search,
like happened to my friend Nick, who ended up getting fired because
he blogged about his restaurant.

Anyway, Sisley sucked in every way possible,
except for the food, and the other waiters,
they were both pretty awesome.

But the owners, specifically the woman, the female,
the alpha bitch, oh man.... she was the absolute worst on earth.

I have never seen such a steady, unrelenting supply of bitch-fuel,
she could go for days on end, not being kind to anyone.
It was shocking, really.

They used to post up these memos, every day, on the door
when you walked in.

Memos about our "tap water policy"

Who the fuck.. has a tap water policy?

Memos about how we should be ashamed of ourselves,
how our service is an embarrassment, about how we can't
bring purses into work because we are all just thieves,
everyday was some kind of degrading, demoralizing,
awful nasty shit on the door for you to read, and then initial.

That was how you started every day, reading some awful shit,
it was not good for your brain, man... not good.

That restaurant closed, because the owners ran it into the ground,
because they are retarded, and Italian, never a good combination.

I stuck to music for a while to make a living, it was cool, but I needed
to get a dayjob to help me afford the comforts of life.  I like to eat nice food,
I like to drink nice beer, and smoke the best weed, that's about it.
I buy used clothes, and I find my furniture in the garbage.  

So I got the coolest job ever,
you can read the post below to find out more.

My bosses are cool as fuck,
and today, I received my first memo.

here it is, word for word:

When cannabis is smoked, a large amount of its THC—or tetrahydrocannabinol, the chief chemical that causes activation and pain relief—is destroyed. When it's eaten (not burned), the THC stays intact. In addition, the way THC is metabolized in the body when it's eaten makes its effects last longer. In short, eating marijuana instead of smoking it gives patients more bang for their buck.


-p

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

St Paddy's pic

Well hello, happy Wednesday.

I'm off to... work.
see the post below to explain
why I am giggling.

I got a bunch of pics back
from the Venkman Brothers concert last week,
my favorite is below.

See if you can count the old school Nice Peter references
in the pic, like a treasure hunt! I found 8, if you look carefully.





Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Upgrayedd

First of all,
Idiocracy has to be one of the best movies ever.

I want you to watch it as soon as possible,
please, for me, so we can exchange jokes
and line references.

Second of all,
I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is,
I had to break down and get a day job.

I am getting by on music, I am,
but that's just it, getting by, while I'm touring
shit's fine and popping, but while I'm here in LA
working on the next move, I'm tired of living like
a homeless dude.

So I got me a dayjob.
Ready for the good news?

I deliver marijuana cookies.

I ain't no drug dealer, holmes,
I work for a gourmet, medical marijuana
confection maker that delivers to only
the finest, legal, licensed dispensaries
in Southern California.

But, at the end of the day, I deliver pot brownies,
and that's a day job I can be proud of.

I had my first day yesterday, and I went
into 10-15 dispensaries around the city,
making deliveries, filling orders, registering
as a patient so I can legally be inside.

That was a trip, I must tell you.
I explored every demographic of
marijuana dispensary. Mexicans, Indians,
white people, black people, everybody loves
these cookies, and everyone loves weed.

I knew that, I've just never seen it all in one day before.

So that's going to be my gig, Mon, Wed, Fri.
Driving around to pot shops, talking about cookies
and lollipops, and our new medically infused Olive Oil....

It gives me time to work on music,
like my new song about Eugene Levy,
or the third Venkman Brothers album,
or these silly parodies I am cranking out every other
day for my other day job.

All in all, life is good, I woke up surprisingly sober
this morning after my first day on the "job"

I'm planning an East Coast tour for October.
It's a long way off, but that just gives me more time
to plan it, so I'm going to try to make it big.

England is calling me hard these days, there is some
shit developing in the arena too.

Midwest, I'm not sure when I'll see you again, but I'm
pretty sure it will be soon, if the boys from Bloomington/Normal can
come through.

-p

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Torta Loca!

Do NOT!
...eat the Torta Loca!


Even if you wake up like me
on a floor in Pacoima, CA, with
an empty glass of vodka next to your head,
and a bong with Bob Marley etched into it at your feet.


The Torta Loca will NOT make you feel better!

That combination of eggs, two cheeses, jalepenos,
avocados, ham, some other kind of meat, mayonaise,
and who knows what else on a roll will not go down well.

I was celebrating, and I made a poor choice of food.

Last night was the first Venkman Brothers concert.

Here's the deal with this Venkman Brothers thing,
it has bee a musical outlet for me. It is low pressure,
high creative, rock and roll that allows me to get my
juices flowing, and keep pumping out new stuff.

We make up everything as we go along, and we played
a 45 minute song of completely improvised shit.

we have two albums, that we recorded this week.
It's all made up. the first album,

"I Told You Not To F**king Touch That!"

features myself, Dante Cinnamonbuns on guitar,

Geoff from Craiglist on drums,

Lloyd Ahlquist on freestyle microphone,

Therm One on bass and turn tables,

beats by Eddie Nygma, and
special guest, MC Sonny List-yo-faults-son.

Here is the first album in it's entirety:
http://nicepeter.com/files/Venkman1.zip


-p

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Susan Sarandon

Well, that was a weekend, let me tell you what.

First of all, I do not have an STD,
and that's always good news.

I swear to god, even you know
you couldn't possibly have an STD,
getting tested is always a frightening experience.

I suppose it's a good thing that they reveal results
the same way for everybody, but do they have to add suspense?

"Peter, yes, we have your results, could you sit down please?"

....

"well, Peter, you.... are............. negative for everything."

woo hoo!

Time to go out and sleep with somebody dangerous!

I got invited by my roommate Scott to the premier
of OK Go's incredible new music video. I don't know
if you've seen it or not, but if you haven't, just stop right
now and go watch it. Youtube, This Too Shall Pass, OK Go.

Scott shot all the behind the scenes footage for the video,
he's been working with the band and the crew of engineers
for a few months now.

He got me in to record audio of the premier,
they did it at a fancy art museum here in LA,
and OK Go played an acoustic concert.

It was fucking awesome, I don't even know where to start.

First off, I came in early with Scott to set up,
I met the lead singer, I've been a fan of his for years.
He was totally cool, we ate tacos together, we talked about
music, he talked about music, he talked more, he kept talking,
and then he finished by talking some more. But he had lots
of interesting shit to say, and he's the lead singer of OK Go,
so I had no complaints whatsoever.

Then, the guests started to arrive, and they were a COLORFUL
bunch, let me tell you.

You had your basic groups of LA socializing,
rich people, cool people, hoes, and famous people.

The hoes here are a treat, so vibrant in their hoe-e-ness,
and the weather makes it easy for them to be almost
completely naked at parties year round.

The cool people are just that, same with rich people,
and the celebrities keep everyone on their toes.

The place got packed, Scott and I mingled around.

At one point, I was chatting with a girl sitting on a couch outside,
I couldn't help notice the woman sitting next to her, in sunglasses
at night,
was in fact, Susan Sarandon.

I paid her no mind, just remembered it to tell you later.

She looked very good, by the way.

But then, as I was chatting along with this girl,
and I was in some kind of funny story,
I couldn't help but notice that Susan
Sarandon was eavesdropping casually on
our conversation.

Boom, punchline to my story,
Susan Sarandon laughs,
I smile, and feel pretty cool all night.

neato.

OK Go started their acoustic set in front of the whole crowd,
and I got to stand right next to the stage to record the audio.
At one point, the awesome bas player dude with the mustache
dropped a mallet onstage, I bent over, and handed it to him,
I was that close.

They were fucking fantastic. I've always like OK Go a lot,
but now I am an absolute fan.

At one point, they had the whole crowd singing this beautiful
melody, I was singing too, looking around the crowd, smiling
in the lovely LA evening air, gazing at the faces... when, another boom,
I made direct eye contact with... Weird Al Yancovik.

What a funny night.

We stayed all evening at the museum, the bass player DJing
and playing Hall and Oates, because he fucking rules.

I met some people, talked to some people, told everyone
I could about my Susan Sarandon experience.

Then it was time to afterparty, and Scott, being as smooth as he is,
got us invited to the party at the lead singer's house.

Cut to me and Scott drinking PBRs, chatting with the awesome
bass player with the mustache about Chicago, telling stories,
playing with the lead singer's dogs, all in OK Go's big ass house
in Hollywood, and I'll tell you the truth, I felt pretty damned cool.

That was Friday, I'll tell you about Saturday tomorrow,
right now, I'm tired, and Susan just won't stop playing with my hair.

-p

Thursday, March 04, 2010

What is it, Thursday?

My head hurts.

I slept on a couch with my head next to an empty bottle of champagne.

I was celebrating!

I got a job, writing music.
It's not firmed up and official yet,
so I'll have to tell you more later,
but it's definitely a champagne kind of development.

Did I ever show you that mp3 of me
and that dude Ray Don from my first time
performing at the Improv?

I can't remember.
here it is, just in case:
http://nicepeter.com/files/Eating-Pussy-Improv-50-Cent-is-a-Pussy.mp3

Ray Don sang a hilarious song called,
"The only thing I was ever good at, was eating pussy"

He proceeded to strip down to an American flag speedo,
and god dammit, he earned it.

I was up next,
hilarity ensues.

I rode his momentum train as best I could,
it was like being in a comedy rodeo.

Hear for yourself.

Three days in a row,
and I'm still on top of the blog wave!

Life is good, don't forget that.

-p

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Return 2

Hey hey,
what do you know?
two days in a row.

Last night the Venkman Brothers made our first recording.
I know, I said we never would, but I just got the itch last night.

I went out to Dante's house around 3, we wrote the song in 10 minutes,
recorded it in an hour, and here you go:


That's me a on drums, Dante on guitars,
all in one take, and then vocal overdubs
until my throat got sore.

After we laid down that song,
we made a trip to Weird Al's recording engineer's
home studio.  Yeah, no shit.

He was an awesome dude, he recorded Beautiful by Christina Aguilera,
and he helped us record one of Dante's songs, which I had the pleasure
of playing bass on.

It turns out I've been a bass player all my life,
I just didn't know it.  And everything I know about the bass
I learned from Pauly Doerr, he's a god damned legend.

Today I wrote some more jokes,
here's a snippet:
--------------------------------
I'm single right now, again, which means.... ugh... it's hard to even talk about, it means I have to start using condoms again.  Man... that really sucks.  I fucking hate condoms, oh they are the worst.  I know, I know, they're important, blah blah blah, they suck.  It's like fucking a ziploc bag, it's terrible.  And it makes me so clumsy.  Ladies, I'm not sure if you're aware, but we can't feel anything. Trying to get inside of you is like a blind man trying to find a doorknob.  It's like trying to pick your nose while you're wearing a mitten.

I think birth control should be state sponsored and free. seriously.  As soon as girls start getting their period, bam, free birth control from the government.  It should be talked about in the open, it should be free, and it should be great.  We need it.  Make them taste good if you want to, make them like flintstone fucking vitamins.  Put them in Mcdonalds hamburgers, I dont' care, just get them out there.  We are reproducing way too fast, and in the wrong direction.  Stupid people make babies.  seriously, think of the dumbest girl you knew in highschool, she is probably the one with the most kids.

You sir, you look pretty smart, how many kids do you have?  and how old are you?  right, see?  you and I don't have kids because we're not fucking stupid.  "but I love my babies"  bullshit. you don't love them.  If you really loved them, you wouldn't have made the 3rd and 4th one so you could focus on the first two.
----------------------------------

-p

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

return of the blog

I'm back, mother fucker,
and I've finally got shit to say.

I feel fantastic, gotta tell you.
I haven't felt this good in a long while.

I quit smoking cigarettes, started running.
Ugh, I know, how very Californian of me.
But I do feel good, my brain feels lubed up,
my lungs feel clear, and I can sing, dammit.

I told Ed in England I quit smoking, he just laughed at me.

Ed is the only guy I've ever met who wakes up
in the middle of the night for a piss, and has a cigarette with it.

That's dedication.

I also started telling jokes.
Weird, huh? But I've never written a joke before.
I've written funny songs, and I've said funny things onstage,
but it was always by accident, flying by the seat of my pants.

I did three shows at Zanies in Vernon Hills, outside of Chicago,
waaaaayyyyy outside of Chicago.
Zanies is an old school comedy club, the real deal.
I learned more in those three shows than I have in months,
fuck it, years! of performing whatever it is that I perform.

It's hard to explain, but it's been a pretty major breakthrough.

I tried out 7 minutes of completely new material,
some short songs, jokes, bits, and a very angry rant
about the Black Eyed Peas... I tried it out at the Improv in Hollywood.

That's another thing making me feel pretty fucking cool,
I went to try out new material at the fucking Improv in hollywood.

anyway, it worked, and I loved it, and it was fun and awesome
and I have a new outlook on my Nice Peter performance and
I hope to show it to you soon, and I hope you like it.

Don't worry, I'm still singing songs and making up songs
about the dude in the front row.

In fact!
I have an entirely new outlet for that kind of shit,
I am pleased to introduce you to...
the Venkman Brothers.

I started a new band with Dante Cinnamonbuns on lead guitar,
Geoff from Craigslist on lead drums, and me on lead vocals and lead
bass.

We make up epic fucking rock songs.
We don't write anything down, we don't repeat anything,
we don't do interviews, we don't have a website, and we're already
bored with this blog.

It makes me so happy every day.

We have our first show on March 13 at a offbeat venue
up in the valley, and our really big second show on St Patrick's day
in Playa Del Ray.

I'm also playing bass in Dante's band, Give Me Motion,
we had our first show in this awesome basement speakeasy
at the old American Legion building next to the hollywood bowl.

It was incredible.

I was not so great on bass, but I'm learning,
and our harmonies were tight, and we're getting better.

It's all adding up to me having new outlets for my music,
and in Give Me Motion I can even submit some of my serious songs.
shocking, I know.

but with the Venkman Brothers I can sing songs like the one I just
wrote in my head.
it's called, "Baby, You Give My Heart a Boner"

Yup, it's like that.

All in all, shit is good,
it's good to be back, nice to talk to you again,
oh, and me and my girlfriend split up, just thought you should know.

Since I'm going through the trouble to put this blog back up,
I will try my darndest to keep it fresh.

-p