honestly

It amazes me when
people go looking
for something that
they know is going
to hurt them.

I've done it before,
and I'll do it again,
but it still amazes me.

Why spend your time
poking your nose around
a mouse trap?

It's just going to spring
and bite you in the face.

And then you'll cry.

Because a mouse trap
to the face really fucking hurts,
I know.

But don't say you weren't
looking for it.

-p

California and beyond.

Alright y'all,

I know you're out there.

I'm hitting the road hard,
and I need your help.

If there is a venue in your town,
anywhere in the US,
that is reasonably small,
reasonably cool,
and you can bring out
a few folks to enjoy the show,
I want to know about it.

Please email me any info,
leads, tips, suggestions you have.

I'm trying to hit California,
the West Coast, a bit of the South,
the East, pretty much anywhere
except the midwest, I've got
that one covered.

If you can help me and
my booking agent set up a gig,
I'll send you a free t-shirt
that you can wear to the
show and look awesome.

send your suggestions to:
info@nicepeter.com

thanks, homies.

-p

A Response from my Conservative Friend

a response to my last blog:

------------------------------------

Interesting Blog,

However, I think it would be more accurate if you used Republicans
and Democrats.

There is now and alway will be Conservitives and Liberals. At least
in the American Lexicon.

Globally it wouldn't apply, the definitions are different, but here
it definately does.

While I am all for being on the same team, having opposing sides is
how shit gets done. Dissent and discourse eventually bring concensus.

Heres the real problem.... people taking it far too personal.

There have been times where I have said "Well, beleive it or not, I'm
actually really conservitive politically" and next thing you know I
have some asshole jumping my throat on issues the neither he nor I
fully understand. It went from an inquiry of my opinion to a
damnation of my character.

And that's what's bullshit.

- Flood

Vs.

We have to stop calling
ourselves liberal or conservative.

We are being forced to take sides.

Stop.

Think for yourself.

Don't be tricked into
one corner or the other.

They are trying to polarize us,
keep us separate,
keep us as common people
from being able to unify and
speak as one.

They keep us fighting against each other.

Liberal Vs Conservative.

We are the people.
We agree on some
issues, and we disagree
on others.

But there are the obvious problems,
the painfully clear issues of right vs wrong
in this country and this world.

We have been duped into choosing teams,
and while we waste our voices screaming at each other,
we have no voice left to scream at those in power
who truly and undeniably hurt us.

I am not a liberal,
I am not a conservative.

And you know what?

Neither are you.

-p

RE: BCC: FW:

Dudes.

This is urgent.

This is important.

This is an urgent and important
lesson in how to be sure that
you are not acting like an idiot.

There are you among us,
who are behaving in a completely
inappropriate manner and I am
here today to call you out.

Communication between humans
has reached an all time high,
in regards to speed and availability,
and an all time low,
in regards to basic fucking decency.

If you must send out an email,
and you must contact several people
at once with said email,
do not put us all in your To:
address line.

That is a stupid thing to do.

Put yourself in the To: line,
and put the rest of us in the BCC: line.

BCC stands for Blind Carbon Copy,
it also stands for Basic Cfucking Cdecency.

When you put the addresses in the To:
line, they are all there for us all to see,
which is annoying, and thoughtless,
and it makes the email header 7 inches tall.

That is the smallest offense,
but it must be taken as seriously,
because it is directly related to the following crime,
punishable by death, in Iran.

Reply All.

How dare you imagine,
for even one moment,
that all 75 of us on this mass
email give two fucks if you're
going to come to the party or not?

"I'll be there!"

Replied to all,
means that 75 other people
have their emails clogged
with your three word, idiotic response.

There are two options when you reply,
"Reply" or "Reply to All"

Unless your response is,
"anyone who wants $100 send me your address"
just choose "Reply" and
send it to the one person who cares.

You are out there in droves,
you offenders of decency,
because how many of us
have come to our emails
to find seventeen responses
to one idiotic invitation?

"cool!"

"can't make it, pregnant..."

"sounds like fun, count me in!"

"what should I bring?"

then replied to all with,
"I'm bringing some girls!!!!"

then again replied to all with,
"well, then I'm bringing boys!!!!!!!"

Just stop it.

right now,
don't ever do it again.

When you send out a mass email,
use the BCC.

If you must reply to a mass email,
reply to the one person who sent it,
by choosing "Reply",
because the rest of us probably
didn't care about the first email
in the first place.

And we certainly don't care
that you're bringing a vegan chocolate cake.

-p

classic

http://www.howtogetyourexboyfriendback.com/

Religion and the Goddess of Nepal

So,

I bought a book called "God is Not Great"

It's subtitle,
"How Religion Poisons Everything"

It's true.

It does, I think.

It's a strongly written book,
making sensible arguments against
almost every case that organized religion
has tried to make for itself.

I think if Jesus was a nice man,
and he came back now,
he would be embarrassed.

The book fences with Judaism, Christianity,
Islam, even Buddhism!

How can you have beef with Buddhism?

This guy does.

It's a good book,
hard to read,
but you should buy it.

In other news,
The Living Goddess of Nepal
has been de-goddified.

I know, it's terrible.

Apparently in Nepal,
they worship these little girls,
chosen at two years old,
by treating them like princesses
and bowing their heads to their little feet.

They remain as girls, worshipped
for the gods living inside them,
until the first day they bleed.

Like, period-bleed,
I don't think they meant
lose-a-tooth-bleed.

On that day, the spirit flies out,
into a weird Nepalese sanitary napkin,
and the girl goes back to being a normal person.

She is then kicked out of the Temple,
and back out into the real world.

To live as the most spoiled little bitch in the Universe.

Who can blame her?

Imagine...
you're a god.

everything is groovy in Nepal,
and then when your life just starts to get all weird,
hormones, hair in funny places, blood from your vagina,
you are no longer a god, and you're just normal.

You have to live among people who used to
quite literally grovel at your feet.

They think its perfectly normal.

Much more normal than worshipping a
god who says we can only talk to him
if we go through gay guys in white collars.

-p

Poop on the wall

My friends from Bloomington/Normal
wanted to share a story with you.

I can share it too,
I saw the poop on the wall.

I was not present for the pooping,
but they tell me it goes a little something like this:

So...
there was this party
at a house on Clybourn.

There were a lot of thuggy white dudes there,
with sideways hats and black shirts with numbers on them.

They like Biggie Smalls and Vodka punch,
and fire and the way their own balls smell.

Not, cool, dudes.

As I hear it,
two of these dudes were
standing on a wall in the
backyard of the party,
along with a not, cool, chick.

She liked to stand in the way,
because she thought people
liked to look at her.

They didn't.

These three not, cool, people
were standing on this wall,
and my friends didn't want them there.

A bet was made,
a challenge was cast.

"I'll give you three hundred dollars
to poop on that girl."

"...yeah....yeah... or I'll give you
a hundred just to poop on the wall
next to here"

".......hmmm.....
okay. let's work this out.
I'll poop on that wall,
but not on the girl,
and I won't do it for less
than two hundred."

"...done!"

Thus, the money was down,
along with the pants.

The young man approached the wall,
put his ass to the wall,
and shit.

On the wall.

I wasn't there, but I hear
the three bags of douche
stayed on the wall and watched.

Probably mostly in horror,
but I'm sure a bit of sheer stupidity,
and the lack of mental power sufficient
to understand that someone is shitting
on the wall upon which you lean...
they remained for the entire shit.

Now, if you were a douche bag,
and someone shat on the wall next
to your girlfriend, what would you do next?

You would try to pick a fight
with the two guys who paid him,
that's what you would do.

You would talk a lot of honky
thugboy crap, and then you would
realize that you don't really want to
fight those guys.

Because one is tall with enormous fists,
and the other is built like a mini-SUV.

So you call more friends,
and tell them to bring their hats,
and come to the party to "get your back"

The friends came,
so we put on the Biggie Smalls,
to keep them calm and dancing with chicks,
because we already had poop to clean up,
we didn't feel like washing their blood off the ceiling.

I was there.
I saw the poop,
I saw the douche bags,
and I saw their stupid hats,
With my own two eyes.

-p

Love

Love.

Is something else, isn't it?

What else can be the best and worst
thing in the world at the same time?

It makes us do amazing,
and amazingly stupid things.

Love is your fifth chocolate chip cookie.

too much.

-p