Poop on the wall

My friends from Bloomington/Normal
wanted to share a story with you.

I can share it too,
I saw the poop on the wall.

I was not present for the pooping,
but they tell me it goes a little something like this:

So...
there was this party
at a house on Clybourn.

There were a lot of thuggy white dudes there,
with sideways hats and black shirts with numbers on them.

They like Biggie Smalls and Vodka punch,
and fire and the way their own balls smell.

Not, cool, dudes.

As I hear it,
two of these dudes were
standing on a wall in the
backyard of the party,
along with a not, cool, chick.

She liked to stand in the way,
because she thought people
liked to look at her.

They didn't.

These three not, cool, people
were standing on this wall,
and my friends didn't want them there.

A bet was made,
a challenge was cast.

"I'll give you three hundred dollars
to poop on that girl."

"...yeah....yeah... or I'll give you
a hundred just to poop on the wall
next to here"

".......hmmm.....
okay. let's work this out.
I'll poop on that wall,
but not on the girl,
and I won't do it for less
than two hundred."

"...done!"

Thus, the money was down,
along with the pants.

The young man approached the wall,
put his ass to the wall,
and shit.

On the wall.

I wasn't there, but I hear
the three bags of douche
stayed on the wall and watched.

Probably mostly in horror,
but I'm sure a bit of sheer stupidity,
and the lack of mental power sufficient
to understand that someone is shitting
on the wall upon which you lean...
they remained for the entire shit.

Now, if you were a douche bag,
and someone shat on the wall next
to your girlfriend, what would you do next?

You would try to pick a fight
with the two guys who paid him,
that's what you would do.

You would talk a lot of honky
thugboy crap, and then you would
realize that you don't really want to
fight those guys.

Because one is tall with enormous fists,
and the other is built like a mini-SUV.

So you call more friends,
and tell them to bring their hats,
and come to the party to "get your back"

The friends came,
so we put on the Biggie Smalls,
to keep them calm and dancing with chicks,
because we already had poop to clean up,
we didn't feel like washing their blood off the ceiling.

I was there.
I saw the poop,
I saw the douche bags,
and I saw their stupid hats,
With my own two eyes.

-p