Fuck the Pub II

Last night was an experience to be remembered,
but first, to be written about.

Kristen and I showed up at the Pub II in Normal, IL
to play a 3 hour show with a 2.5 hour drive for 200 dollars.

cool.
that's the business.
we don't make complaints
about the drive, or the money,
or the lifting of heavy shit,
or the fact that the stage at Pub II
is held up by cases of empty beer bottles.

yeah, that's right, beer bottles.

What I did need to speak up about,
was the ten foot TV screens behind the "stage"

4 of them.

approximately 320 square feet of TV.

not cool.

So I cordially asked how we could
go about getting the TVs turned off.

"um.... well, we can shit off the middle one... I guess"

Great!

only 240 feet of tv, that's perfect...

There is one thing I have learned,
you can't compete with two chicks making
out or televisions. If girls start making out,
you stop singing your song and you watch,
while everyone else does the same.

With TVs, even my eyes start to get distracted,
and I'm playing the fucking songs.

It's a hopeless battle,
and I'll admit,
it is one of my few pet peaves.

(list of pet peaves now includes, Maggie Speaks, Elevation, and TVs during shows)

The bouncer sent me to the bartender.

I told him, "we just want to give you a good show, we drove 2.5 hours to be here,
all we want is 3 hours without the giant tvs behind us.. please?"

"Oh... well, we've never done that before, so... no, we can't"

"you're serious...?"

"yeah, this is a sports bar."

I see,
a sports bar that pays 200 dollars
for a band to play.
Why didn't they pay Ricky Henderson
to come give a speech?

Fucking idiots.

So,
we took the stage,
we gave it our all,
pulled out all the stops,
and I sang song after song
about how much I hate the fucking TVs.

I got the audience as worked up as I could,
hit them with all the hits,
got them riled by singing about how
the man behind the bar refuses to let them
enjoy a rock and roll show for one night.

I asked them,
"do you want these TVs on?"

" NO!!!"

"do you want them to turn them off?"

"YES!!!"

but still,
nothing.

Like Don Mclean's marching band,
they refused to yield.

That is when I started the songs about
taking a shit on Pub II after the show,
and about the old, bald, fat, idiot of a manager.

Maybe I crossed the line,
but they drew first blood with their
complete lack of intelligence and basic respect
for live music.

I hit the audience hard with 50 Cent is a Pussy.

I stopped, and said,
"are you guys having a good time?"

"YEAH!"

"do you wanna hear more music?"

"hell YEAH!"

"well, we are going to stop until they turn these TVs off,
so if you want us to keep playing, talk to the bar,
they won't listen to us."

Then I stopped playing,
and started packing up my shit.

4 songs into a 3 hour set.

We were done.

I almost gave up and gave in.

But I thought, if I keep playing,
I will be that guy who kept complaining about the TVs.

But, if I walk out,
I will be the guy who told Pub II
to suck his dick, and then took a dump
on Pub II's wall while finger banging
Pub II's mom.

That's the guy I want to be.
That's the Nice Peter way.

Fuck the Pub II,
we were out.

We packed up our shit,
and walked out.

Not before the manager
told me "fuck you, you're never playing here again."

as if I had to be told.

The homies from White Trashistan
and Delta Sigma Phi sprung into action.

Before the drums were packed away,
the show was being relocated
to the Frat house basement.

Kick ass.

We spread the word through the bar,
brought as many people as we could,
and took off.

Now comes phase two:

the greatest Nice Peter show ever.

We set up in the frat house basement,
they had a stage, speakers, lights,
the whole deal.

They also had a pledge class who knew
every word to every song.

Apparently it was part of their pledge rites
to sing "If You Really Love Me"
to different sorrorities.

Holy shit.

The crowd was cheering for feedback.

We gave them all we could
until my voice gave out, and they were
an amazing audience.

One dude got me high as a kite and made me pizza,
they took a collection and we came away with $245.

That's $45 more than we were getting at Pub II.

Bitches.

So, in conclusion,
Nice Peter will never play at Pub II again.

Nice Peter will not play with big screen TVs on during shows.

Delta Sigma Phi kicks ass.

It is not a matter of Diva or snottiness,
you do realize we played in a basement.

That's not the point,
the point is,
turn off the fucking TV
for a few hours and enjoy
some fucking music.
Be it me, or Dave Tamkin,
or White Trashistan, or anyone
else busting their ass to play for the people.

Give them the common courtesy of shutting
off the television. Or we will find you,
and we will shit on your terrible bar.

-p