Tour Diary Part 10

Don.

You were hilarious.

You were wasted.

You told me I reminded
you of your brother, the preacher.

Let me explain.

Don was at Cranky Pat's
in Neenah, WI last night.

A very fun show.
A very, very weird show, 314 franklin.
but fun.

Don was wasted and yelling
at the very beginning of the show.

Like,

"hi guys, I'm Nice Peter,
and I'm from Chicago,
and I'm gonna get started
in a couple of minutes"

Don: "yeah.... do it... yeah, rock and guitar,
play that thing.... allright!"

Wow.

This should be interesting.

I introduced myself
to Don right away,
although I thought
he said his name was John.

Later in the show,
I brought him up to play
the tambourine on White Trash Woman.

It's a classic Nice Peter show gimmick,
get the drunk guy to play tambourine,
on a song called White Trash Woman.

I love it.

so...
when I shot him the tambourine solo,
he starts singing.

About absolute nonsense,
it was fucking hilarious.

He said something about
taking your Kentucky Fried
Chicken out of my garbage can,
and I ran with that.

That was the new song now,
and then he said,
"play the straight blues, man"

You got it, Don.

so we played a twenty minute
blues song about some woman
taking her chicken out of my garbage.

That's how it goes sometimes.
It's not a show so much
as a controlled explosion.

At least, I try to keep it under control.

Sometimes it runs away.

When I start shows these days,
it feels a little like starting a road trip,
with no map, and no destination,
but I know that I'm going to end
it with I Quit, You Fat Mother Fucker.

It's like,
"okay... you guys ready?
got everything... water, beer, guitar, microphone?"

Here we go.

Then I play some songs,
and tell some stories,
and weird shit happens,
because I open it up,
there aren't really any rules.
Whatever happens, happens,
and I'll try my best to make
it funny and keep it making sense.

But,
when you get a guy
like Don up on stage,
first of all... it's almost impossible
to follow.

Where can I go after
a song about chicken
with a hilarious drunk guy
rocking out on the tambourine?

I tell you where I go,
I take a break and go for a walk.

In the second set,
Don did what I knew he would do.

He came back.

This time he carried
his friend up onstage
and sat him down.

His friend was of a diminutive stature,
and I instantly knew that he couldn't quite walk.

Not, too drunk to walk,
but, this guy has trouble walking.

What do I do with that?

He was plopped on the stage
and handed a microphone,
by Don, and he sat there like
a muppet, and drunk muppet.

It was pretty awkward for me.

I don't like to make fun
of anyone with some sort
of physical handicap,
not since the bald guy
in Appleton incident.

So, I did my best.

I played Red Line Train,
and the little man,
who called himself Dangerous Denny,
muttered some nonsense into the microphone.

The stroke of brilliance
came at the end.

I was doing my usual
bit of drawing out the end
of Red Line Train...

"and we're riding... on..... the...... Red .......... Line..........."

and Denny, without missing a beat,
says "Train...." into the mic in a super low voice.

It was the best thing ever.

So,
in conclusion,
even thought situations
like Don and Denny make
me a little uncomfortable,
they are also the little
gems that make all the show different,
and makes it fun and spontaneous
and makes people remember.

It's always funny to me,
I work really hard on these stupid songs,
believe it or not,
and sometimes all people
can talk about is the drunk
guy who sang about chicken.

in my garbage.

-p