Tour Diary Part Two

I'm laying on a couch in Howell, Michigan,
with a cat named Yoda.

He's a she.

and she's fat.

I'm talking about Howell's
history with the Ku Klux Klan,
apparently a grand wizard
used to live around these parts.

Howell is trying hard to get
away from that reputation,
I tried hard to sing about it
as much as possible.

Tonight was an all ages show.

That is always odd,
I started the show by saying,

"I feel very uncomfortable
playing songs about drugs
in front of high school students,
but I'm going to anyway."

and then I launched into Smoke That Weed.

now, mom,
before you yell
at your computer,
just remember that
I myself started smoking
pot in high school.

maybe that wasn't
the best thing to say.

but its true.

these kids came out
to see my show tonight,
and that is what I do.

that's not all I do,
and Nate, the booking guy,
pointed out to me that he
saw my college demo,
which is squeaky clean,
and he thinks I could
have pulled off that kind of
show in front of this crowd
and they would have loved it.

Maybe so.

Maybe I swear too much,
and sing about sex
and smoking pot.

but, shit.

When I was thirteen
I was staying up
until three in the
morning to watch
soft core porn
on Cinemax at
my cousins house.

I was laughing
at jokes about
pubic hair and
sex, because I was
just starting to learn
about pubic hair and sex.

And it was awkward,
and honestly, it still is.

That kind of shit is weird,
and we're all so uptight,
well.... not me,
but you all,
not you,
but they all...
are so uptight,
and that's what makes everything
such a big fucking deal.

If we were more open about
sex and drugs, maybe we
would have less pregnant,
stoned, fifteen year olds.

We have a lot of them.

So, maybe,
I'm doing a public service.

Bring sex and drugs out
into the open, especially
for the younger audiences.

let's laugh about boners,
because you get them all day long.

let's laugh about pot,
because.... you... yes you,
that sixteen year old in the
tie dye, you've smoked it.

You probably did tonight.

Because its easier
to get pot than beer,
for a kid under 21.

Drug dealers don't
ask for ID.

So.... what happens?

You get to college,
fucking freak out,
and poison yourself
with alcohol because
you did seven shots
of 99 Bananas before
you went out.

ridiculous.

my point,
if I ever have one,
is that I sing about
crazy shit,
and the people
in the audience tonight,
no matter how old they were,
had fun,
and I had fun,
and I didn't introduce
them to shit that they
didn't know about before.

And it's people like you,
lady at the opera house
who hates my music
and thinks I'm the devil,
that are forcing these subjects
into the land of taboo,
where they can really thrive.

so...
lighten up,
smoke some weed
with me, old lady,
and let me make
love to your bottom.

your old,
uptight,
bottom.

-p