Red Eyes and Publicist

I've got a new publicist.

I've had more publicists than drummers.

Actually, I think the number is about the same.

His name is John Gilmoure,
and so far, he's off to a hell of a start.

He got me an interview with the Red Eye.

I did it a week ago over the phone.

Much to his chagrin,
twenty minutes into the interview
I started going off on how much
I can't stand the Red Eye.

I've gotta express myself.

I just mentioned that its silly
to me that a paper read bye everyone
in a city full of artists and musicians
puts the fact that Justin Timberlake
was shopping at American Apparel
on the back cover as breaking news.

Really?

Who cares where Justin Timberlake
was shopping?

And don't tell me that's
what the readers want to read about.

Treat us like idiots, and we'll respond like them.

All that said,
it was an awesome article,
and the Red Eye did me a huge
service by writing about me.

Now all the cooks at work
call me Maestro, because
they saw the half page photo
of me holding my guitar.

A fuck half page photo!

Oh man, it was so awesome.

I just wanted to ride around
on the train all day with the photo
facing out and see if anyone noticed.

I put in the article that my new album
is available at Reckless Records in Chicago.

It is.

but fuck Reckless Records, too.

What a bunch of snotty little cocksuckers they are.

I took my disks in to put them
on sale as consignment.

I mentioned that I got a big
article coming out in the Red Eye,
the next day,
and it was going to mention
the album was available at Reckless.

I know they would carry it,
because I talked to them on the phone.

I didn't know how long it would take,
and I didn't mean to leave it to the last minute,
but the Red Eye thing came as kind of a surprise.

So I went in,
and asked very nicely
if there was any way they
would be able to have the CD
available by the next day.

Maybe I'm ignorant,
but it doesn't seem that hard to me,
maybe it is.

Maybe they're cocksuckers.

This was last Wednesday,
my friend went to go buy it Saturday,
and they guy said it wasn't processed yet.

And then he went back to sucking cock.

-p