Midwest Tour Diary Cont

Yeah, yeah, I know,
it's late.

but better than never, right?

Day 4:
Berwyn, IL.

I woke up yesterday morning
in a loft with a new ipod.

I woke up this "morning"
in a hotel room in Michigan
with a splitting headache.

I put morning in quotes,
because I wouldn't call
what I got last night "sleep"

more of a "brisk nap"

I played a show in Berwyn, IL
last night, one of my favorite
haunted cigar stores/bars in the country.

In fact, fuck it,
I'll go ahead and say it's
my hands down favorite haunted cigar
store/bar in the entire world.

There is no place like this bar,
it's called Cigars and Stripes,
and its run by a brilliant raving lunatic.

Ronnie, let's call him.

Ronnie wants nothing more
in this world than to have a great bar
that has great comedy,
and, to some extent, that's exactly
what he has.

Although not all the great comedy
comes from the guy onstage,
there is always something funny going on
at Cigars and Stripes.

I played the show sober,
owing to the fact that I had
to hit the road directly afterward
to drive towards Howell, MI,
where I have to be today at 2 pm.

I don't know what it is,
but some crowds just cannot
stand to see me not drink
through a set.

I don't know when I became
a drunk circus monkey,
but hey... I'm sure I didn't fight
the identity.

All that aside, I played stone sober,
and I had a fucking blast.

I forgot how clever I can be
when I'm not fogged down
by shots and pints.

I don't mean to toot my own horn,
or anyone's horn, for that matter,
but last night I said some pretty funny shit.

I'll be damned if I can remember any of it,
but all in all, I was happy and proud of the show,
and even though I didn't come loaded
with a cart full of new songs,
I felt like I delivered something fresh.

Plus, I got paid in cash and hot sauce,
so how can I possibly complain?

Last night saw this tour's debut of
the "I like my women like I like my... blank..." game.

It was something I used to play on
the road with Mission IMPROVable,
(if you don't know who they are.. sorry,
but you can google it, it'll come clear real quick,
I used to tour with them for two years, it's how I got
my first taste of living on the road,
and my first taste of college pussy)

I digress.

It's a simple game,
I like my women like I like my...... um...
(I'll look around my room and choose something
at random, just trust me....)

okay...
perfume.

don't ask.

You get the object from the audience,
and then you nail them with a made up punchline.

I like my women like I like my perfume,
stinky and French

It gets funnier,
but you see the idea.

Anyhow, I've been toying
with the idea of using it onstage
in my music show for a while,
make a little song out of it, ya know?

great idea!

except,
and I swear this is the whole truth.

the night!
that I was going to try it
on an audience here in LA,
and I was talking to another
comedian backstage,
who used to sleep with my brother,
coincidentally,
another, older comedian
did it in his act, and he did it well,
and apparently he's been doing it
for fifteen years.

well,
that don't mean I can't do it in good old Berwyn!

The best part of the bit is,
usually some dude from the audience
ends up nailing the best punchline,
and getting the biggest laugh,
and you know what?
that's cool with me.

-p