mega awesome

Yesterday I took the Megabus to St Louis.

If you've never taken the Megabus,
you've gotta do it as soon as possible.

I recommend St Louis,
it's nice.

The Megabus is a direct, fast,
clean, nice, half empty bus
that takes you from Chicago to
a couple of other cities.

As the charming black lady
sitting across from me explained,
you have to own a
credit card to get a ticket.

That weeds out a certain
variable of passengers that you're
bound to encounter on a Greyhound bus.

Greyhound buses are terrible.
They smell weird,
and someone is always
eating McDonalds or
playing Jay Z really loud on headphones.

The Megabus was awesome,
it cost me forty five dollars
to get to St Louis in five hours flat.

I went to St Louis to play a small concert
for Matt Nelson's birthday.

Matt lives in St Louis,
he's in med school,
and his wife, who hired me,
is a lawyer.

It worked out.

I felt bad today,
because I know that
I gave Matt a final shot of Tequila.

I didn't buy it for him,
I don't think I would ever
buy a shot for anyone.

Shots might be as terrible
as the Greyhound bus.

They smell the same, at least.

I gave Matt the shot,
because someone gave it to me,
and I announced at the beginning of the show,
that we were in the band together for the night,
and I would do a shot every time
someone brought one up for him, and vice versa.

It was a clever way to get free shots.

There were two shots of Tequila
sitting near the microphone.

And I grabbed one,
and handed one to Matt.

I saw it in his face,
that unmistakable look
of impending vomit.

Tequila, in a plastic cup.

yum yums.

Matt made a sudden exit
from his birthday party not
twenty minutes later.

I'm sorry about the shot, Matt,
but it was a fun party.

I'm not taking the bus back home,
I caught a ride with Matt's sister and her boyfriend.

I was going to take some Valium
that I got from a girl at work.

When she heard I was taking a bus trip,
she insisted I take it.

It's nice.

I'm in the car,
a Subaru, no less,
and I just ate a delicious Subway sandwich,
and I feel like I just got home
from a dental procedure,
but without all that troublesome mouth pain.

Someone at the party told me Valium
makes people babble,
I think maybe it does.

I scribbled some lyric and song ideas in a book:

Water coolers,
the yellow and red kind,
have never, ever been washed.

What do you
call the middle,
of a duck duck duck duck
goose game?

I love Mexican People.

Well, we've all got out addictions,
she's a knitter,
I smoke weed.

It's like writing in dust
on the trunk of a Cadillac.

Everyone should write
at least one song.

Valium is cooler
than I thought it would be.

-p