Bad news

Just kidding.

No bad news.

Tonight I set up a little show
for a girl from Los Angeles.

Her name is Amber Rubarth,
and I'd really like you to check her out.

Her music is lovely like
the way strawberry jelly shines on bread.

myspace.com/amberrubarth

So tonight, we played at a little music showcase
at Alive One in Chicago.

Everything was going pretty well,
Amber did great,
and then some other people played,
and then I was up right after the girl
who brought in a huge crowd.

Now,
I've done my share of spoiling
audiences, so I can't complain.

I know its weird to go up after
a guy singing songs about balls and weed and stuff.

Its also tough to go after a girl who has twenty
out of twenty people in the audience there to see her.

I took the stage with no confidence at all.
I started off weak,
and I didn't do very well through Red Line Train.

I was playing solo,
no one was really listening,
and Amber made me a little nervous.

I figured I'd follow it up with the Bush Song.

Now...in Chicago,
I thought it was a safe bet.

I got a slightly positive reaction,
but the room was still tense.

Into the second verse,
some guy shouts out,
"well then why don't YOU go to Iraq
and defend your country!?"

whoa.

what?

I didn't really understand what he said,
and I couldn't believe he was serious.

I think I stopped and said, "are you serious?"

The thing is,
no one really laughed,
or clapped, or booed,
or did anything really.

Accept another guy on the other side of the room.

He said, "yeah."

"When was the last time you made a sacrifice?"

whoa.

what?

Is this really happening?

Still no reaction from people,
although everyone was listening now.

I think the first guy called me a pussy
somewhere in there.

I was waiting for the crowd
to rush to my rescue, but I think
we were all in some sort of shock.

So, I didn't waste any time,
I jumped into an improv song
called, "why don't you fight for your country, you pussy?"

People were still in shock.
No one laughed much or said anything.

When I stopped,
the first guy said something,
and then everyone laughed and cheered.

I didn't hear what he said,
but at the time,
I thought he cut me down,
and everyone was cheering
and laughing for him.

Jesus,
I've stepped into some
weird portal in Lincoln fucking Park
Chicago where everyone loves the war
and thinks Bush is the tits.

I found out later that they were cheering for me.
They couldn't believe what I was saying to the guy,
I don't remember what I sang to him,
but I remember feeling the pulse rush through my veins.

I was really pissed.

They guy ruined my already terrible show.

He took what little confidence I was building
up and squashed it under his idiot boot.

In the end,
I guess I should thank him.
His outbreak was the only reason
anyone noticed me at all.

I sold a few CDs
as I was tearing out of the bar
with my tail between my legs.

But not before I almost got into a fight
with guy number 2.

He came up to me and said
"look.... blah blah something marines..."

I said,
"if this conversation doesn't
start with you apologizing
for yelling out stupid shit
during my shitty show,
I don't want to talk to you"

I was impressed with my own balls.
And sweating profusely.

He tried to tell me about going to Iraq,
and I told him I didn't care.

I don't.

That is your choice,
and I respect your choice.

I have never,
and I will never,
criticize a soldier, or a marine,
or an anything for choosing to go to Iraq.

I disagree with everything we are doing over there,
but that's your business, not mine.

But I won't listen to your stupid
rational for yelling out stupid shit
about me being a pussy for expressing
my stupid opinions onstage.

That's just stupid.

It wasn't even that kind of show,
with a lot of interaction and yelling and what not.

I was one little guy,
playing his little songs
nervously in front of new people.

And you, and the other guy,
were idiots who needed to make
me look stupid.

You won.
I did feel stupid.

But in the end,
the tall pretty girl
who looked like an elegant
llama came up to me as I was
leaving, and told me I did a good job.

And that's all that matters, bitch.

-p