Pain + L = Palin - P,A,L = Pin + head = Palin

Oops,
I did it again.

I let days,
what... weeks?
go by without writing
anything to you.

It's been a busy
couple of days,
what... weeks?

I went to California.
I went to Utah,
I started practicing
with a new drummer,
I made a rap beat out
of the "Greatest American Hero" theme song,
and I started booking a tour
from Buffalo to Seattle, via Texas.

I also have been racking
my brain trying to come up
with some sort of song I can
write about Sarah Palin.

I hate her,
I actually have feelings
of rage and lustful malice.

Lustful malice?

well, yeah...
she's kind of hot,
in a...
punch her in the face
after you cum on it kind of way.

Sorry,
that was completely uncalled for.

No, it wasn't,
it was hilarious,
I went back and read it.

I have a dear friend,
a close and wonderful friend
in California, with whom
I spent a lot of my time there.

He almost drowned,
and got saved by a female
lifeguard.

then we almost got him
a pot prescription,
you can do that in California.

All you need is a state ID,
and... I qoute:
"headaches, or restlessness, or... whatever"

you just go in to the weed store,
have a 75 minute consultation
with the "doctor", tell him about...
"whatever".... and then he writes
you a prescription, for marijuana.

Then, with that prescription card,
you can smoke it anywhere,
on the street, in your house,
just not while driving.

hilarious.

even better,
as we were jogging back
to his car to get his state ID,
we crossed a street, with no traffic,
but with a Do Not Cross sign,
that big, red, hand.

We crossed anyway,
and we got pulled over.

no shit.

we got pulled over by a cop,
for crossing the street,
on our way to buy legal weed.

We could have gotten a ticket for crossing the street,
and we could have been standing there
smoking a giant bong, which they also sell
at the "doctor's office", and that would have been fine.

I love California.

So then,
I played another gig at the
Catholic University.

I loved it,
they seemed to,
they payed me a lot of money,
I was happy, and I went on my way.

The way turned out to be
a cool little improv theater,
and when I stepped outside
to smoke pot with another friend,
who has a prescription......

He asked me if I wanted to see the Google office.

I said....
uh,
yeah!

So,
high as a kite,
I went into the office
that designed the email
program that I am writing
this email on.

Kind of like eating Ice Cream
while riding a cow.

Google was awesome,
that's all I can say.

Unreal,
probably the coolest
place to work I have ever seen.

Have you ever seen
a break room in an office
with a full Rock Band setup,
an atari with 100 games,
and free gatorade?

I have.

So...
that brings me around
to the point of this story,
sort of.

Me and my dear friend,
after a long night of drinking
and smoking pot, decided
to start talking politics.

Always a good idea.

He started saying
that Sarah Palin was
a better candidate than Obama,
and then he said something about
her being better than Bill Clinton,
and I lost it.

I ran out of the apartment we were crashing at,
into the hallway,
high as hell,
mad,
and suddenly,
totally lost.

I didn't remember what apartment we were in.

They all looked exactly the same.

I stayed out in that hallway for twenty minutes,
fuming, pacing, and lost.

It made me scared,
I love this friend of mine,
he is not stupid, not at all.

But he loves this Palin bitch.

I know,
you probably don't want to hear anymore
about her,
I just had to get this off my chest:

Sarah Palin is threatening to be
the next Dick Cheney,
except this time, instead of having
an asshole for our vice president,
it would be a huge, stretched out vagina.

-p