Grade A

So.

On the front page of the Chicago paper today,
it was announced that America is not safe from terrorism.

Thanks.

The story followed:
apparently the former 9/11 commission
issued a series of letter grades,
yup, like in high school, regarding
different aspects of our homeland security.

The only thing that got and "A" was
the prevention of terrorist funding.

Congratulations, USA,
all the people who you used to give money
to are now struggling to stay afloat.

Good thing there's always heroin.

Airplane security got a failing grade,
and I know how to fix it.
All Americans should have to take
off their shoes, and socks... when boarding
an airplane.

I personally have hidden two bombs,
and a voodoo idol of Toni Braxton,
in my socks and never been caught.

Things not covered in the report card:
Grammar:
I'm sure Mr. Bush would
have done splenididally. "B+"

Religion class:
There are lots of gay unions
in America without the proper
blessing of a gay priest. "D-"

World Politics:
Nobody likes us anymore. "E"

Physical Fitness:
Dick Cheney gets winded
counting his chins.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the 9/11 commission,
the official panel here at NicePeter.com issues
you the letter grade of "S"

"S"top wasting our fucking time and money
by doing pointless studies that do nothing
more than keep the idiot masses
in a state of fear so they won't
notice the oil, insurance, media,
and drug companies shoving their
big, white, dicks up their blue collar buttholes.